When God Acts #5: When Job Suffered

WHEN GOD ACTS #5: WHEN JOB SUFFERED

Job 3:1-5

Job. What a man he was (1:1-5). Can you imagine such a life? Seven sons and three daughters who actually enjoy being together! Over 10,000 animals on his ranch. A large number of servants. And to be called, "The greatest man among all the people of the East." What purity of heart: every morning he prayed for his children’s forgiveness just incase they had cursed God in their hearts. Could you imagine a better life? Could you imagine anything bad happening to a man like this?

Suffering knows no favorites. If you know anything about this story, you already know what I am saying. The fact that one is leading such a good life and has been so blessed by God is in no way a guarantee that one’s life will continue in such an idyllic state. In fact, the fact of one having such a good life may well be what invites trouble. Not only was God watching Job, but Satan was too. Satan accused Job to God. That is appropriate for Satan, for his name means, "the accuser." 1:9-11, "Does Job fear God for nothing? Have you not put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has? You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land. But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."

The accuser.

That is such an appropriate name for him. Had Job sinned in any big way to invite trouble? Had he harmed anyone? Had he cursed God in his heart? No. Then why not just leave him alone? Because that is not the way of Satan. When there are not discernible sins in a person’s life for Satan to make accusation to God against, Satan will manufacture them. And his accusation against Job was, "Do you think Job is serving you for nothing? He is serving you because you have blessed him so. Take away those blessing and you’ll hear this man curse you to your face."

We may have a hard time with what happens next. God gives Satan permission to wreck havoc in Job’s life. And Satan spare’s no time or fury in his mission. Job’s livestock - over 10,000 head - were stolen or killed. His servants were put to death my invading enemies. Job’s children were enjoying a dinner together when they were killed in a horrible accident Job’s response? 1:20 - tore his clothes, shaved his head, fell to the ground and he worshiped. V.21 - "May the name of the Lord be praised." What a testimony to purity of heart. .22 - "In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."

The next time Satan appeared before God, God upheld the integrity of Job. 2:3. Blameless! But Satan wouldn’t leave matters alone. V.4 - "Skin for skin!"

In other words, let me inflict his body with pain, and you’ll see a different response!" Again God said, "Go ahead, he is in your hands. Just spare his life." V.6. At that, Satan struck Job with painful sores from his head to his feet. Job felt so much pain and misery that he scraped at the sores with broken pottery to relieve the pressure.

And perhaps the greatest test to his integrity came next, from his own wife. 2:9 - "Curse God and die." More painful than that may have been her calling into question his integrity: "Are you still holding on to your integrity?" In other words, "Do you still hold to your innocence? Your good standing before God? Come off of it!! Nobody with good standing before God has to suffer like this!!" But still Job kept his heart. "In all this, Job did not sin in what he said." 2:10.

What do you do when you suffer, and you don’t think you deserve it? What do you do for friends who suffer, but they don’t deserve it? How do you maintain your own integrity or support a friend? Job had 3 friends come to see him. When they saw the wreck of his life, they didn’t know what to do! So they sat in silence. For seven days. 2:13. And sometimes that is the best thing to do! Sit in silence. When Job’s friends began to speak, they didn’t encourage their friend. Instead, they only made his burden greater.

Job is actually the one who broke the silence, though. In Job 3 he breaks the silence with a rather dim statement about the condition of his own life: 3:1-4. He follows this with 5 questions. Five questions that begin with the word, "Why?" (3:11, 12, 16, 20, 23.)

In other words, Job asks, "God, why have you let me live? Why didn’t you allow me to die as a baby? Why did you give me a mother to receive me and nurse me? Why didn’t you give me a grave, and spare me the light of day? Why must I experience this misery called life? Job’s questioning doesn’t end here, but continues to the end of the book.

Now is when Job’s friends begin to speak up. But they do not speak words of encouragement. Instead, they speak words that tear at Job’s heart. 4:2-5 - You had advice for others. But how are things for you now? Don’t you love such kind words of sympathy when you need them? 4:7-8 - If you have trouble, it is because you deserve it. The friend Eliphaz is verbalizing a belief many people have - if you are suffering, it is because you somehow deserve it.

How many sincere Christian parents have received these kind of comments from other Christians when one of their children stumbled? Probably you better than the rest of us can appreciate the pain and confusion in Job’s heart.

One of the real hard problems for Job in all of this is HE KNOWS HE IS INNOCENT. I don’t mean he doesn’t have any sin, but that he has no discernible sin that justifies the intensity of the suffering he is enduring. I think 6:29 is a key verse in Job. Mark it in your Bibles. "My integrity is at stake." Inside, Job knows he has lived for God. He is not receiving this pain in his life because God is punishing him for sin. As a result, Job can not suffer in silence. And that leads to another one of the GREAT verses in Job that you ought to highlight and memorize: 7:11.

Only 3 times in the Heb. OT do the terms complain and bitter appear in the same verse. And all three are in Job. (7:11; 10:1; 23:2). Because Job does believe he is innocent is one more reason he is having such a hard time. So he asks some more "why" questions: 7:20, 21. Why pick me out to terrorize? If I have done something so wrong, why not just forgive me?

Why?

It is hard to cover Job in one lesson. Maybe I’ll do a series on him one day. For today though, let’s jump to the end of the book, chapter 41. God is speaking now. He says to Job and his friends: 41:1-10. "Can you control the forces of nature? The wild beasts? No, you can’t. But they are not problems for me, I made them."

Job responded to God’s speech in 42:3. "God, you are bigger than me. I just couldn’t see the whole picture. I’m sorry." Then 42:6. Repent. That is a good word. Here, it probably doesn’t mean, "Turn from sin," but instead, "I humble myself before you and I am comforted. I no longer lament."

What does he mean, "I no longer lament?" What does lament mean? It means to cry. To cry out. To say, "Therefore I will not keep silent ..." Job is saying, "The time of my crying is over. I am comforted now. Thank you God."

Let me make a comment about one of Job’s "why" questions: 3:23 - "Why has God hedged my life in?" Job was right - his life was hedged in. But Job was wrong about one thing. Job thought God hedged his life in so that he would suffer. "For sighing comes to me instead of food; my groans pour out like water." (V.24)

What Job didn’t realize is that God hedged him in to protect him! In 1:10, Satan accuses God of hedging Job in so that he would be blessed! I don’t want to oversimplify this, but I do need to make this point: When life seems to tumble in and things see so bad in our lives, think of the hedge.

The hedge - the protective wall God puts around his children so that it isn’t any worse than it is. No matter how bad it seems, how much worse could it be if God’s protective hand wasn’t over you?

Three things Job did in the face of unbelievable suffering:

1) He cried. He lamented. He cried out to God. "Why God? Why?"

2) He trusted God.

3) He received comfort.

Finally. We can do that, too. Just remember, God is always in control, and God is always bigger than our problems. "Thank you God."

Warren Baldwin

(Many of the ideas for this series come from the book Yet Will I Trust Him by John Mark Hicks)

Suffering: Redemption

WHEN GOD ACTS #4: REDEMPTION

Sad, and hurtful things are the bane of our existence. Why do they happen to us? Or to people we love? Sometimes it may be because of punishment (as in Amos 4). It may be to get people’s attention and turn them back to God (Deut. 4:30). Sometimes it may be because God wants to discipline us (Hebrews 12:5b-9). God tests his servants (Gen. 22:1) to see what is in their hearts (Gen. 22:12).

Sometimes, act of God that result in suffering may be for REDEMPTION.

Some think that every act of God is for the redemption of people. Even when it results in suffering and death, God hopes that will turn people back to him (Deut. 4:30). As Amos 4 showed, it doesn’t always work as God hopes! In Amos the people suffered, but they didn’t turn back to him.

But, sometimes suffering does cause the response God wants (Psalm 119:67, 71; 76:10).

There are times, however, when God acts in ways that are especially for redemption. "God’s redemptive acts are those moments when God acts to remove suffering, to overcome evil, and to destroy death. Those are the moments when God rescues, delivers, and restores his people." (J.M. Hicks, Yet Will I Trust Him, p.138-39). We think of the cross, and rightly so, as God’s great redemptive act.

But the OT is also filled with stories of God acting redemptively to save his people: Calling Abraham; Sending Joseph into Egypt; Delivering Israel from Egypt; Raising up judges to conquer enemies of Israel; Sending of prophets; Returning Judah from captivity.

The OT is a history of redemption. But, two redemptive events stick out as particularly significant. Both of these events provide the context in which Israel interprets God’s redemptive work in their lives.

THE EXODUS
Exodus 3:7-10 says God heard the cries of his people and he redeemed them from bondage. This would fulfill a promise God made earlier, back when the Israelites under slavery were told they had to gather their own straw. At that time the Lord spoke to Moses and reassured him (Exodus 6:6-7). God revealed himself so that his people could know him.

Dating
What is the purpose of dating? To have fun? Get to know people? Yes. Ultimately, dating is about getting to know someone you will marry. Dating is about marriage. Dating doesn’t start out with commitment, but it ends with it. How do we know when we find "the right" person that we want to marry and trust that they want to marry us? By what we reveal about ourselves. Our thoughts, values, goals. Ideas about family. Unfortunately, too many young people think dating is about concealing. We want to conceal the parts of ourselves we feel insecure about. We may feel we are unattractive, dumb, clumsy. So we hide those parts of ourselves as best we can. The truth is, dating is an opportunity to reveal who we are with the ultimate view of finding the person who loves us for what we are and wants us in marriage.

The Exodus - God dating Israel
I know this may sound like a stretch, but to God the Exodus was like an opportunity for him to "date" Israel. An opportunity for him to reveal himself in the hopes that Israel would accept him and love him.

What did God reveal about himself? His power over nature. Think of the plagues. His power over people. Think of how Pharaoh finally gave in to God. Why did God do all this? Exodus 10:1,2 - So that he could reveal himself to his children. Why do we take pictures and put them in albums? So years from now our children can show our pictures to our grandchildren and say, "We are going to go see Grandma and Grandpa. Do you remember them? Here, let me show you their picture." God said, "Years from now, show your children the photo album. Tell them of the good things I did for them so that they could be free." God wants his children to know and love him. And the Exodus shows a side of God that his children could love.

THE RETURN FROM EXILE
God blessed his children with life in the promised land. It was a land flowing with milk and honey. A land free, for the most part, of hostile enemies. Crime was low. Wealth abounded.

But what often happens in times of plenty like that? In times of ease? The people forgot God. And when they forgot God, they sinned. They sinned in abundance. Their punishment was to be conquered by foreign enemies. The northern kingdom was conquered by Assyria and the southern kingdom by Babylon. Also, thousands of Israelites were taken into captivity in Babylon to live as slaves (Jer. 30:15.).

And that didn’t make God happy. As much as they deserved their punishment, it grieved God. In Jer. 30:18 God promises to restore their fortunes because he love them with an everlasting love (31:3). Jer. 31:20 says God yearns for them. The idea of ‘yearning’ is God still wants fellowship with these stubborn, rebellious people.
So God enacts a bold plan. He will bring his people home. They are miles away in a foreign land. They are working as slaves. They do not have the freedom to just get up and return home. But, that is not a problem for God. God works in the heart of Cyrus, King of Persia. After Cyrus defeated Babylon, he told the Jewish people, "Ok, you can go home now. Go back to your lands." And they did.

And this is just as God wanted (Jeremiah 33:11b-16). My favorite verse in all this is Jer. 31:5 - they will plant fruit trees that will bear them fruit. Why would God be so kind to such a rebellious people? (Jer. 31:18-20). These were HIS people.

"God punished Israel, but in his compassion he redeemed a remnant. The remnant sought God in their exile, and God responded to their prayer. God will be found by those who seek him (Isaiah 55:6). Redemption flows out of God’s great love whereby he seeks to share his communion with his people. God yearns for a people and he acts in the world to create a people for himself." (Hicks, p.148).

Ultimately, God’s yearning for a people finds fulfillment in the events we read about in the NT. But that story comes later.

For now, remember this about suffering:
Sometimes we suffer because God is punishing us.
Sometimes we suffer because God is disciplining us. Making us stronger.
And sometimes we suffer because God is working redemptively in our lives. Ultimately, God wants all of us back home in fellowship with him.

Years ago, when I was a kid, I heard a preacher tell a story about when he was a teenager. He was rebellious. He yelled at his parents, slipped cigarettes into his room, smoked and in other ways was disruptive in the family. He left home in anger. He took what money he had and went a long way from home. And like the prodigal son of Luke 15, this boy ran out of money and friends. He had no food, no home, and no money. So he called his dad collect. Dad paid for the call and the boy poured our his heart. "I’m sorry Dad. I realize now how wrong I was. I was rude and disrespectful. I broke the rules of the home. And I’m so sorry. Will you and mom forgive me." The Dad cried. The Mom cried. "Of course we forgive you son. You are our boy and we love. And you have a home here waiting for you."

"Oh thanks, Dad. Could you send me the money for a bus ticket Dad?"

"Of course not, son. You got yourself in this mess because of being selfish and undisciplined. Now, learn some discipline. Get a job, save your money, and buy your bus ticket home. And we’ll be here for you."

I know a lot of us might think that Dad was pretty cruel to his own son. Wouldn’t even buy him a ticket home. Let him stay a couple of months far, far from home, all alone and broken-hearted. Did the dad make the right decision? Well, the man I heard tell the story was the son, all grown up, matured and disciplined. And he said he learned more from his time in captivity than he ever would have learned if dad had wired him the money.

Time in captivity may be for punishment. It may be for discipline. But ultimately it is for redemption. God wants you home. He wanted the Israelites home. It took some suffering to get their attention, but they left captivity to be with the Father. And God wants you home. You may be in the captivity of sin, or in the captivity of suffering. But you can come home to the fellowship of a father who is waiting for you to call.

(Many of the ideas for this series come from the book Yet Will I Trust Him by John Mark Hicks)

When God Acts #3: Discipline

WHEN GOD ACTS #3: DISCIPLINE

Why do people suffer? Especially innocent people? Why do children have to die in war? Why do babies get HIV and fetal alcohol syndrome through no fault of their own?

We can never satisfactorily answer all such questions. Even if we accept that WE LIVE IN A FALLEN WORLD, a world that is not as God intended it to be, we still wonder sometimes, "Why?"

As horrible as suffering can be, God has a way of using it for his purposes. Sometimes God uses suffering to punish the wicked, a retributive action. They are getting their "just desserts." God also uses suffering as punishment for the purpose of deterrence - to warn people, to turn them from sin. God has two other purposes for suffering - REDEMPTION, which we will look at in another article, and DISCIPLINE.

Suffering has a way of refining, training and educating a person, especially a believer. Through the process of suffering, especially suffering as discipline, we can learn to love the Lord more and depend upon his grace and his resources. There are basically two forms that suffering for discipline can take.


TESTING
"God has always tested his people." Abraham is one example. In Gen. 22:1 the Bible says, "God tested Abraham." Some versions read, "God tempted Abraham." The Hebrew word here, ns, means "test, try, prove, tempt, put to the test." It is incorrect to think of it in terms of "entice to do wrong." (TWOT, p.581). The idea of "God tempting would not fit with Matt. 4:3, where the devil is the tempter, and James 1:13-15, where it says God does not tempt people to do wrong. But God can and does test people.

God tested Abraham by commanding him to sacrifice his only son (Heb. 11:17-19). Would Abraham love his son more than God? Would Abraham, like Adam and Eve, choose to go his own way and do his own thing? Abraham was put to the test. And I can’t imagine what kind of emotional agony it must have been for a dad to lead his son to the place of sacrifice, knowing it was his own son that was the offering. When my children ask me a question of a spiritual nature I get a funny feeling inside. These are my offspring, my children that I want to see in heaven, and they are asking me a question! I have to answer it right! These are my children at stake!

And Abraham had a lot at stake - his son. And more than that, his direction. Where would Abraham’s heart lead him? In the way of the Father, or self? When Abraham chose God over son and self, here is the commendation the Father gave him: "I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld your son from me, your only son." Gen. 22:12.

God frequently tested the children of Israel. Exodus 15:25 - God tested them in Marah with bitter water. Exodus 16:4 - God tested them with mana. He would give them plenty, but would they trust God and take only what they needed? Or would they prove to be selfish and lack faith, taking more than necessary?

One reason for God testing people is to learn their hearts. Deuteronomy 8:2 says God led the Israelites in the desert for 40 years to "humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands." The reason for this is explained in v.5 - "Know ... that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you."

Wandering in the desert was also punishment. Punitive punishment. People died the in the desert for their sins. The would never see the promised land. But for their children who also wondered in the dry, dusty climate, hoping for rest, it was not punishment. It was a testing.

Is there suffering in your life? What may God be trying to tell you? Is he trying to discipline you? Discipline from a loving Father has the aim of testing our hearts. Do we truly want communion with the Father? Who do we love the most, God, or self? Testing, suffering bears that out.


EDUCATION
Sometimes God is trying to teach us something through our suffering. Hebrews 12 is the classic passage about suffering as a means of "learning." Eight times in verses 5-11 some form of the word "discipline" is used.

What is the nature of the suffering or discipline in Hebrews that chapter 12 is referring to? Persecution. In Heb. 10:32-34 the writer calls upon these Christians to remember an earlier persecution they suffered - they were publicly insulted and persecuted. They were thrown in prison and had their possessions stolen by the state. But they didn’t lose their faith! Now, another contest of suffering is upon them (12:4). There is more persecution. Will they stay strong? Faithful? The writer wants them to know that this suffering is not because of punishment! It is for discipline. (12:5b-9).

The word for punish literally means, "to flog." Many of God’s followers have been literally "flogged." Jesus and his disciples were. Some of the witness in chapter 11 had been (see 11:36). Some of the current readers might be! But it is important for them to realize that this "flogging" or suffering is not a retributive punishment. It is a form of discipline to motivate the sufferers to reach higher levels of maturity. (12:10-11).

What good does God intend by this discipline? That we share in his holiness. That the "training" we experience from suffering produces righteous and peace. "God uses suffering and pain to produce a fruit whose purpose is communion with him." (Hicks, Yet, p.137). Suffering teaches us discipline.

But one more thing it teaches us ... Joy and perseverance. (James 1:2-3). And the great reward for persevering under trial (testing, suffering)? James 1:12 says it is the crown of life!

"The crown of life is worth the trials, and God disciplines us with that goal in mind. God acts, sometimes by inflicting pain, even floggings, to train and prepare us to share his holiness. God intends good even when it seems painful and senseless to us." (Hicks, Yet, p.138).

Is there suffering in your life and you wonder why? We all do. Please, when suffering comes into your life, don’t let it break you or discourage you. I know that is easy to say in a time free from suffering. But try to hold on. Remember, one way God uses suffering is to teach us to be stronger and more like him.

If suffering is in your life right now ... suffering of any kind ... take it to the cross. One way we all suffer is from the contamination of sin. And Jesus stands ready to clean that up as soon as we have suffered enough and are ready to come to him for cleansing.

(Many of the ideas for this series come from the book Yet Will I Trust Him by John Mark Hicks)

Warren Baldwin

I Do It ... You Do It: Thoughts on Mentoring

I DO IT ... YOU DO IT
Thoughts on Mentoring

"See how I hold the bat straight up? Do you know why I do that?" the coach asked. "Because the bat is lighter when held straight up. Less surface for gravity to pull on."




"Hold your bat back like I am. As the pitcher throws the ball, respond with your body the way mine does. Pivot your front foot, twist your hips and shoulders, bring your arms around. If you decide you like the pitch, bring the bat around with you. If not, hold up. Understand?"

We didn’t. We were a bunch of eight year olds being drilled in the art of batting. And the coach, my dad, was tasked with making sure we had some idea of what we were doing.

But, would that be enough? Is it ever enough to just tell someone, "Clean your room. Don’t do drugs, alcohol or sex. Make sure you do well in school. Treat a girl right. Drive carefully. Make sure the boys respect you."

We might think that just verbalizing these instructions is enough, but do any of us catch on to abstract concepts or even concrete behaviors that easily? Don’t we need someone to go beyond the verbal instructions to show us what the ideas look like or how the behaviors are performed?

My dad taught us in his batting clinic. But, he did more. He showed us. "Hold the bat like this." John Maxwell identifies four biblical steps to training someone. The steps are:

I do it. Before anyone can teach they must first be proficient themselves. Proficiency is developed by faithful and careful performance over time.

I do it - and you watch. The teacher or coach instructs and performs the deed as the students watch, hoping they catch as many of the details as possible. An experienced teacher or coach knows that not much is going to be caught or understood by the students, so they move to the next step.

You do it - and I watch. The teacher and student now exchange roles, with the student performing the desired action. It may not go very well at first. That is why the instructor is still present, correcting, teaching, guiding and demonstrating again how to perform the task. There is still one more step.

You do it. As the student gains proficiency, he is now ready to be entrusted with the job. He has been trained and mentored to perform at a higher level, all under the caring and watchful eyes of the mentor. (John Maxwell, Mentoring 101, p.17)

After steps one and two in the batting clinic, dad moved to step three, You do - and I watch. He gave each of us a bat to perform the various exercises he demonstrated - holding it upright and straight out to experience the difference in weight; holding it behind us in a readied stance; swinging. After spending most of one practice session on these basic drills, dad moved us to step four, You do it. We batted. The rest of the season we continued to receive mentoring.

Maxwell says, "In all the years I’ve been equipping and developing others, I’ve never found a better way to do it than this." (P.18) The Bible says, "The things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others" (2 Timothy 2:2). That is mentoring.

"Am I doing this right?" (Ashley Sisk Photography)

These four steps apply not only to a batting clinic or to Paul preparing Timothy to minister. They apply to the issues and concerns in our home, family and spiritual life. To a child keeping his room clean. To a teenager keeping his body free from addictive chemicals. To a boy or girl dating carefully. To a student doing well in school. You set the example. Then teach and show them what the idea looks like. Then entrust them with restricted levels of freedom to perform how you expect, while providing oversight. If they abuse the freedom, reel them back in for more instruction, with correction and discipline. Then, they move out to perform on their own.

This year, is there someone in our lives - a child, friend, co-worker, or neighbor - that we can mentor in the ways of spiritual living and godly perspective?

Warren Baldwin

ENGAGED

ENGAGED

The engagement period is exciting for a young couple. It should be. After dating and falling in love, the couple is now seriously envisioning a future together and are making concrete plans for it. The engagement period signals to the world that this couple is committed to a lifetime together.

There is an element of ecstacy during the engagement as the man and woman draws even closer together. Intimacy develops naturally and deeply as the couple continues to learn about each other, talk about their love, plan the big day, and dream about their future. The world seems like a wonderful place when you are engaged to the person of your dreams and are about to take that joyful step into committed and intimate connection.


Participate Together

There are a few things couples can keep in mind during the engagement to make this transition period to the wedding be meaningful and bonding. One, be aware that while the engagement period is exciting, it can also be a time of stress, especially for the bride, as she plans the wedding. Guys usually get out easy on this, much of our contribution being, "Yup, oh yeah, that’s nice, sure, whatever you say."

It doesn’t seem fair, does it? But as most of us know, men are not as concerned about matching plates and linens, dresses and suits, and the host of other details that are planned for the wedding during the engagement. But, guys should be aware that it is important for the bride, so we shouldn’t discourage her attempts to make the wedding as nice as it can be. This is a time for us to participate in something meaningful with our future bride.

For me, this participation was shopping with Cheryl for the cake knife. I didn’t know people shopped for cake knives! The first store we went to had a nice knife and Cheryl said, "I like this one." I said, "Good, let’s get it." She said, "No, we have to go look at some other stores first." So we did. Several stores. And I don’t remember for sure, but I’m certain that while we were there we also looked at other things as well. Then Cheryl said, "Ok, let’s go back and get the knife"

"Which one?" I asked.

"The knife at the first store."

"Why didn’t we just get it when we were there the first time? We did all this other shopping for nothing," I said.

"No," Cheryl corrected me, "We had to go to all the other stores to make sure the first one is really the one we wanted."

"Well, I was sure."

"Maybe so, but I wasn’t."

Boy, I had a lot to learn. One of the things I had to learn was that marriage is sharing of hearts and activities. It is a participation in the life of the other person, even shopping for knives. The engagement is a good time to learn that.


Planning Your Future

Secondly, the engagement is a time to seriously plan your future together. There are several very important things to discuss. Having kids, for example. You might want to have five but your finance only one, or even none. That is a good thing to find out and discuss now! I wanted four kids and Cheryl wanted two. We discussed that during our engagement and settled on three (and then I wish I had said six). We began having our children at the same time some of our friends did. In one family, the wife wanted two or more kids but the husband only one. She expressed her frustration with us and asked what we were going to do. I said we talked about that before we married and plan on having two more. "You talked about that before you were married?" she asked, incredulously.

Related to having kids is having some serious discussion about raising the kids. What are your styles of discipline? Will you warn a child once if he misbehaves and then administer some form of correction, or will you warn him numerous times? Will one of you stay home to raise the children, or will you seek daycare? These are things to know before the children begin to arrive, and the engagement period is the optimum time.

Other issues to discuss are relationships with in-laws, relationships with friends (be aware that your fiancé may not share your warm feelings toward your life-long best friend) and where/how to spend the holidays. You may not know at this point how you will handle some of the issues or situations, but at least you have eliminated some painful surprises later on.


Exercise Restraint

Thirdly, during the engagement you are committed to getting married, but you still are not married. This has important spiritual and moral implications. Because they are going to get married, it is so easy for engaged couples to begin acting as if they are married. And in some things, that is good and shows wise planning. Making joint purchases of furniture, getting the paper work to change the wife’s last name, making arrangements with banks about joint accounts and other details is good.

In other ways, though, acting as if you are married before you actually are can be a problem. During the dating years showing affection is exhilarating, even when shown with great restraint. It is a taste of what the full measure of romantic involvement will be like the night of the "I do" and of the days to follow. That anticipation can be difficult to contain during the months leading to the wedding. "Since we are going to get married anyway, can’t we go a little farther than we normally do in showing affection?" is a normal question for engaged couples. Emotional, psychological and even spiritual restraints can melt away in the warm embrace of the one you are going to marry in only 37 more days. But those 37 days can seem like 37 years at that moment.

Sadly, I’ve seen a few young couples reason, "We are going to get married soon anyway," and engage in levels of sexual behavior they previously resisted. In some cases, and for a variety of reasons, they didn’t follow through with the wedding plans. Now, here is a young man and young woman who had saved themselves for 22 years wracked with regret because they didn’t wait a little longer.

I encourage engaged couples to continue to exercise the same discipline during the engagement that they did during their dating years. Becoming sexual involved now just complicates the relationship, creates feelings of guilt and regret, and robs the wedding night of much of its allure. Wait.

The engagement period is an exciting time. But, it is also a time for some important relationship and character issues to develop and grow. It is a time for wholesome participation in the other’s life, for planning life issues, and for exercising a rugged discipline of the mind and body to keep the relationship pure. Hebrews 13:4 is as appropriate for the engagement as it was for the time of dating: "Keep the marriage bed pure." To help encourage this purity, I encourage young couples to have a lengthy dating period, but a very short engagement.

My hope for the couples who read this is that your engagement will be fun, joyous, pure, and an exciting taste of what your years together will be like as marriage partners. God bless.

Warren Baldwin

Note: This article appeard in three segements on my other blog, Family Fountain. I am reposting it here in one article for ease of coping or sending. Feel free to share this article with anyone.

Also, a special thanks to Amy Free Photography for permission to use these pictures.

Suffering as Punishment #2

WHEN GOD ACTS #2: PUNISHMENT

This series of lessons is about SUFFERING. The title is WHEN GOD ACTS. I chose this as the title because sometimes the acts of God result in suffering. In our suffering. And there are three particular purposes God has when he allows suffering to be visited upon us. This week we look at PUNISHMENT.

Most moms and dads have rules for their house and home. If they don’t they need to! "Don’t talk with your mouth full." "Don’t hit your little brother." And most of us use means to enforce the rules when the little ones think they can break them. "I will tell you one time and one time only. After that you are in trouble." I knew one lady that would count to 10. The kids always waited until she got to 9. Why waste all that time? Just count to 1. And they better be moving!

Parents, this really is important: If we do not ENFORCE the rules, our children will never respect us. They will never take us seriously. Not when they are little and not when they are grown. Also, if we do not PUNISH them when they break the rules, they will forever think that rules are made for other people, but they can do whatever they want.

Rules let us know how we are supposed to live. Punishment lets us know that the rules are for real. That they are not to be ignored or laughed at. A firm spanking administered immediately after a little one willfully breaks a rule teaches a lesson learned for a lifetime.

If punishment works for earthly mothers and fathers who are trying to train their children, doesn’t it make sense that it would also work for the heavenly father who is trying to train his children? Us? And if punishment causes pain in our children, then we can expect it to cause pain in God’s children.


Punishment actually serves two purposes.

One, punishment involves retribution. That is, the idea of pay back. You did something wrong and hurtful, so now something hurtful will be done to you. Rom. 3:23 - 6:23. Bible says we have lived lives of sin. And that deserves only one thing - punishment. Sometimes the punishment or pain doesn’t just come at the end of this life. Sometimes it comes now. If you are committing armed robbery, and you die in a shoot-out with the police, that is punishment. Wouldn’t you call that "just desserts"?

Secondly, punishment involve deterrence. When an evil person is punished, that serves as a warning to the rest of us. Hopefully, the death of the armed robber would deter some others from committing the same sin.

Ultimately, however, punishment is about retribution. Getting our just desserts. God giving us what we deserve. Suffering and death - because of a world of sin. That is what hell is all about. Rev. 21:8. The ultimate suffering. That is what we have earned. Psalm 7:11. Hell is the wrath of God. And only when we accept that can grace truly mean anything to us.

The "ultimate" punishment, hell, is reserved for the end of the world. But sometimes punishment can come during this life as well. Amos 4:2-13 illustrates how God works in the lives of people to punish them for sin. And to deter them from sinning any more. There are 3 points.

One, the sinful behavior of people draws out the urge in God to punish.
In Amos 4 the people are acting like Adam and Eve - they are doing their own thing. They are walking away from God.
- Instead of worshiping in Jerusalem they are going to Bethel and Gilgal.
- They oppressed the poor and needy (2:6-7; 4:1; 5:10-13; 6:1-7).
So, God determines to punish these people. They are stubborn and arrogant. They care only for themselves. They are like Adam and Eve, doing what THEY want.

Two, God punishes the people to DETER them from further sin.
- He gave them a shortage of food and empty stomachs (v.6)
- He stopped the rain so the crops would burn up (v.7)
- The people were weary from thirst (v.8)
- Blight, mildew and locusts destroyed their crops (v.9)
- The young men God allowed to die in battle and by the plague (v.10)

Why did God do all of this? These are horrible acts! These punishments were not just retribution - punishment for doing evil. If it was, God could have caused even greater death. Instead, it was punishment for deterrence. God hoped this little bit of punishment would cause people to say, "Hey, we don’t want to sin any more. We are going to follow the ways of the Lord."

The punishment was intended to restore Israel’s desire to follow the Lord. We know that is the case from a refrain God repeats FIVE TIMES. 4:6,8,9,10,11.

Here are God’s warnings: 5:4b, "Seek me and live." 5:14ba, "Seek good, not evil, that you may live." Then, Amos promised, "The Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is." 5:14b. But the people wouldn’t listen. So, now, God moves into another phase of punishment.

Three, God punishes the people, not as a deterrence anymore, but to give them their ‘just desserts.’ This is retribution, or retributive justice - getting what you deserve. Amos 4:12c - "Prepare to meet your God, O Israel." And this will not be a pleasant meeting.

God has done everything he could to call his people back to him.
- He has sent prophets to preach.
- He has sent hunger and thirst, destroyed crops and a few deaths.
But nothing would move the people. Punishment did not warn them. "If you do that again I’ll spank you again." Nothing worked.

So now the punishment would become more severe. And it wouldn’t be a warning.
It would be "getting what you deserve with no hope of reversing it."
Here is what it will be like when they meet the Lord: 5:16-17; 27; 6:14; 9:8.
The Assyrians, a hostile nation, will conquer Israel. They will kill many of the Israelites, and take many away into captivity. And the northern kingdom would never again exist.

That is punishment. And God did it. In 1 Chron. 5:26 says God "stirred up the spirit of Pul king of Assyria." Isaiah described Assyria as God’s "club of wrath" (Isaiah 9:11). God punished Israel.

"God is patient with sinful people, but his patience ultimately wears thin with the arrogant. Eventually their cup becomes full and God destroys them." (J.M. Hicks, Yet Will I Trust Him, p.129)
- God did it in the flood
- He did it at Babel
- He did it to Israel
- Later, he does it to Judah
- Later still he does it to Rome.
Can we expect that God is stll doing it? Could some of the suffering we experience now be our "just desserts" for sinful living?

Israel was conquered by an oppressive foreign country. Her citizens were killed. The healthy teenage boys and girls were taken as slaves to a foreign country. 2 Kings 17:22,23. Just as Amos predicted.

That is a horrible story!!

But there is a glimmer of hope. Amos 9:14: "Yet I will not totally destroy the house of Jacob." God will keep a remnant for himself. Why? He wants fellowship with us.

I believe everything God does is about fellowship with us.
1) God created us for fellowship
2) God sent Abraham to call people back to him. For fellowship.
3) God sent Jesus to call people back to him. For fellowship
4) God sends punishment to call people back to him. For fellowship

I can not say that suffering in one’s life is ALWAYS punishment. But I think I can say that if there is suffering in your life, God is hoping you will see it as a sign to come back to him if that is what you must do. And if you haven’t left him and you suffer ... well, that is our next lesson.

God wanted fellowship with Israel. And God wants fellowship with you. Don’t, like Israel, move arrogantly away. Come to him in humility.

(Many of the ideas for this series come from the book Yet Will I Trust Him by John Mark Hicks)

Warren Baldwin

Why Do We Suffer? #1

WHEN GOD ACTS #1: WHY DO WE SUFFER?

Things occasionally happen that cause us to ask, "Why? Why did that happen? Why did someone I love get ill? Why didn’t I get the job? Why do good people die young?" Stories like what happened to Job: Job 1:18-20. How do you explain that?

It helps me to remember that we live in a fallen world. Things are not the way God intended them. If you read the first two chapters of Genesis, you will see that God intended things to be good. There was clean water, fresh food, happy people, loving relationships and no illness.

But sadly, all that changed when man decided to go his own way. You know the story of God putting two trees in the Garden of Eden: the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Man was allowed to eat of the Tree of Life, but not of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. But man ate of that tree, anyway.

The decision man had was not between this fruit or that fruit. No, the decision was over communion with God or separation from him. Would man choose communion with God or life independent of him? That was the issue. A friend of mine wrote, "The trees are not about fruit. They are about fellowship. They are about life and death, a choice between life with God or life apart from God. The trees symbolize that choice, and the choice expresses what the heart truly desires." (J. M. Hicks, Yet Will I Trust Him, p. 67).

And what man truly desired was life apart from God. So in the Garden man left God. Yes, God drove man from the Garden, depriving him of eating from the Tree of Life (Gen. 3:24). After that man would experience death (Gen. 2:17). But really, even before man left the Garden, man had left God. He left when he made the decision to eat of the wrong tree and live independently of God.

Man lost three things when he sinned in the Garden, three things that continue to plague us today. Three things that lead to some of the horrible experiences in our lives that cause us to ask, "Why?"

One, man lost his innocence. Gen. 3:7 says that the man and woman realized they were naked, and they made clothes for themselves. Prior to eating of the fruit, man and woman had been comfortable with themselves. Now they were not. They became "self aware." They became selfish.

So, two, man lost his relationship with others. Gen. 3:14. Adam blamed Eve for the fruit incident. Eve blamed the serpent. Oh, Adam was still married to Eve. They would still have their children. Even now we have marriage, children, friends. But the innocence is gone. Relationships do not occur with the ease and grace they used to. We battle selfishness and envy. Honesty in relationships doesn’t come as easily as it did before the fall. Just as Adam and Eve used fig leaves to hide their bodies, we use lying and deceitfulness to cover other aspects of our lives.

Three, man lost his standing with God. Gen. 3:8. At one time man enjoyed the actual physical presence of God. Did Adam and Eve see God face to face? I don’t know. But God was certainly manifested in some physical way so that the first couple could hear him, talk to him. That is gone now. We can still converse with God through prayer. We can still read his Word. But wouldn’t it be nice to have God over for a visit and ask him some questions that he would answer personally, audibly? Adam and Eve used to have that. But they chose independence over fellowship. (Points 1-3 are from Willis, Genesis).

And when Adam and Eve chose independence, going their own way, doing their own thing, over fellowship, three important things changed: their relationship with themselves, with others, and with God.

But God still loved, still LOVES, man. And God has done a number of things recorded in the Bible to call man back to him. God called a man named Abraham. Gen. 12:1-3. God would bless Abraham and through Abraham bless others. God hoped this would open the eyes of people to God so that they would seek communion with God again. God sent Jesus. The hope for Jesus was that he would bring together all the lost sheep of the house of Israel, and even those who were not of Israel. Rev. 3:10. God used these two men to call people back into fellowship with him.

I believe that everything that God has done and is recorded in the Bible has been with the view of calling people back to him. God wants us in relationship with him. "This was God’s intention in creation, and it is his intention in re-creation/redemption. God’s goal is an eschatological community among whom he can dwell as God and they as his people. He seeks fellowship with a people who will share his holy triune communion in a new heaven and new earth." (Hicks, p.119).

God has used two men to call us back to him: Abraham and Jesus. But God has used other means to call us back to him as well: the tough situations in life that make us ask, "Why?"

In a fallen world, people are frequently unhappy. Sad things happen. People get ill, or they grow old and die. People argue and fight. Friendships dissolve, sometimes shatter. How can we live like that? So people try their hand, often independently of God, at ways of being happy. We try to be happy through our work. We marry someone who we hope will make us happy. If we still are not happy, we hope kids will be the secret to happiness. "We are restless until we are happy, and we are unhappy because we are restless." (Hicks, p.119)

Some good news is that God wants us to be happy, too. But God’s view of happiness is not the same as ours. Ours tends to be self-absorbed. We are selfish in our pursuit of happiness. But eventually we must accept that happiness depends upon something beyond ourselves. Real happiness is to be found in God. And God’s desire for our happiness is that we live in his presence. Forever.

Eccl. 3:11 says that God has set eternity in our hearts. I think that means that God gives us a sense of restlessness so that we WON’T be too happy here. If we are too happy here, would we look forward to God? So God’s intent is not to make everyone happy THE WAY WE WANT to be happy, but to make us look to him. And one way God does that is by allowing affliction to come into our lives. AFFLICTION. The sad things that make us ask, "Why God? How could you allow these things to happen?" The answer is because God wants us to look to him.

Lets look at two verses in Psalm 119:
V.67 - "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word."
V.71 - "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."
What was it about affliction that brought David back to obeying God’s Word? Somehow the affliction in his life made David realize that he needed God. And it broke him from his independence and brought him back to communion and fellowship.

And I wonder if the terrible tragedies of life that make us ask, "Why," don’t still happen for the very same purpose? To bring us back home into fellowship with the Father? Matt. 11:28-30.

We lost three wonderful relationships years ago. Our relationships with ourselves, with others and with God. And everything God has done since then has been to try and bring us back home ... to Him.

Future lessons:
WHEN GOD ACTS #2: PUNISHMENT
WHEN GOD ACTS #3: DISCIPLINE
WHEN GOD ACTS #4: REDEMPTION
WHEN GOD ACTS #5: WHEN JOB SUFFERED
WHEN GOD ACTS #6: WHEN GOD SUFFERED

Warren Baldwin