The Distruptive Who Go to Church pt.1

PEOPLE WHO COME TO CHURCH THAT WE MIGHT WISH DIDN’T
Harding Lectureship September 29, 2008
Warren Baldwin
Lecture 1 - THE DISRUPTIVE WHO GO TO CHURCH

The Complainers (Israelites - Numbers 11)

You’ve met the complainers. There is never a shortage of them at church, work, community programs or your own home. Complainers seem never to see the positive, the bright side or the possible. They only see the people or things that fail to meet their expectations, so they gripe.

Why do people complain? One reason is they are not happy with what they have. When the Israelites were roaming in the wilderness they enjoyed God’s protection and care. God was present with them and provided for their needs, including daily doses of manna. The manna was wholesome and nutritious, and even if it delighted the taste buds the first few times one ate it, I’m sure familiarity with manna dulled the pleasure with it. When my wife and I owned a distribution business for chocolate we could eat all of it we wanted. That was exciting for the first few months, then we actually grew tired of it. The same thing happened to the Israelites with manna and they began to complain. "We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost - also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic." (Numbers 11:5).

Complaining is rooted in selfishness. Manna may not have been a choice delicacy after months of exclusive dining on it, but it was still the provision of God and something that should have been received with gratitude. Instead, "the rabble" (v.4), those not faithful to God’s purpose for Israel, rejected God’s blessing with complaint and sarcasm.

To a church divided by selfish pursuits and vain conceit Paul wrote, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault ..." (Philippians 2:14-15). Complainers think of themselves and their wants; they do not consider the needs of the larger body (cf. Philippians 2:1-4).

Complaining tends to grow in intensity. Complaint against manna began with "the rabble" and eventually spread to the whole community, so that Moses could hear "the people of every family wailing." (V.10). This troubled Moses and angered the Lord. The rippling effect of complaining was disrupting the entire community and threatened to undermine God’s redemptive work among his people. God responded by giving vent to his burning anger and striking the Israelites with a deadly plague. (Numbers 11:33).

A second reason people complain is alluded to above: complainers are not grateful. The Israelites who complained against manna were not only disappointed because their selfish desires were not met, they were ungrateful. They didn’t appreciate the good things God was doing among them.

Susan attended a church with eighty members. The women of the church met one morning a week to study the Bible and pray. One Monday night a month they met for a service project. They might fix a food basket or do a craft for a shut-in. The purpose of this service night was to apply some the principles of service and ministry they learned during their Bible study.

Susan was not happy with that arrangement, so she complained. She was not able to attend the morning Bible study, so she wanted the ladies to use Monday night for study. Her needs were not being met by the current arrangement, so she complained. She could not accept the good work the ladies were doing for members of the congregation and the community, nor was she grateful to be a part of a church and ladies’ group that was so committed to doing good.

The Criticizers (Aaron and Miriam - Numbers 12)

The criticism of Aaron and Miriam occurred in an environment of criticism. Theirs was not an isolated event. Criticism is a contagious spirit. It is like a germ that floats in the air and you catch. In Numbers 11:1-3 all the people were critical because of their hardships. In Numbers 11:4-35 the rabble began to criticize the lack of food variety. Their criticism created a considerable problem for Moses. God responded by sending a plague upon them. In Numbers 12:1-15 Aaron and Miriam criticize Moses and, in effect, God.

The criticism of Aaron and Miriam was not merely a family spat. Nor was it the criticism of the weak against the powerful. Aaron was the high priest and Miriam was a prophetess. She was spirit-filled and wrote songs of Israelite victory (Exodus 15). Aaron and Miriam were two powerful, influential personalities in Israel. What could posses them to attack their own brother, the leader of Israel?

The reason stated for their criticism of Moses is his Cushite wife. Was their complaint racially oriented? Was it based in covenant concern? But, this isn’t the real issue, anyway. The real issue for Aaron and Miriam is they were attacking Moses’ spiritual authority. (Num. 12:2). Notice their stated complaint in v.3: "Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? Hasn’t he also spoken through us?" The reason they give to oppose him and the accusation they level against him don’t line up. They have private motives but public accusations. Their agenda is secretive and unholy.

Aaron and Miriam were both religious leaders. Yet, they both entered into the criticism game with ulterior motives. They were insincere. They were vying for power. They wanted to be spokesmen equal with Moses.

All of us function with certain flaws and failures. As spiritual leaders we exhibit three flawed styles of functioning.

1) Dysfunctional. The dysfunctional leader lacks emotional maturity and depth. He or she seeks emotional feeding from the congregation rather than providing emotional support to the congregation.

2) Malfunctional. The malfunctional leader over-functions. He tries to do too much himself. He doesn’t seek the advice or help of others. He doesn’t reflect upon and learn from his mistakes. He is just ready to jump in and go again.

3) Nonfunctional. The nonfunctional manager doesn’t function. He or she does ... nothing. They may be lazy or scared or uneducated about what they should do. But the bottom line is they do nothing. (Managing the Congregation, pp.18-19).

We all lean toward one, or a combination, of these unhealthy functional styles. Aaron and Miriam operated out of one, maybe two, of these styles. They may have been dysfunctional or malfunctional. It either case, their poor functioning led them to operate out of the "dark" side. Their leadership took on a neurotic bent called "suspicious." (Leading the Congregation, p.98) They were suspicious and envious of Moses. They desired greater leadership themselves, and wanted to center leadership in themselves. To do so, they perceived that they had to attack Moses. Criticism became their modus operandi for discrediting Moses, unseating him from his position of leadership and authority, and placing themselves in the drivers seat. Their motives were shameful; their actions were destructive. Fortunately, God intervened.

But God doesn’t always intervene so dramatically in the affairs of men. Instead, he depends upon men and women of character to stand up, be counted, and temper any unhealthy attitudes or behavior in a congregation. Remember, criticism can be systemic as well as individual. Individuals may criticize, but they often do it in a larger system, or environment, that encourages that negative behavior.

There are three things we can do to make sure we are not contributing to toxic criticism in our
family, work place, or congregation.
1) Examine our own motives. Why do we want to lead? Are we really ready to lead? Or, why
aren’t we leading if we are capable of it? What fear holds us back?
2) If we have a legitimate concern about something, we need to go that person individually and discuss it with him or her. Don’t make that person the object of criticism, either just or unjust.
3) Remember that we all have our God-given abilities and talents to contribute to the health of the body. Do the best you can with your gifts; respect and appreciate others for the exercise of theirs.

The Connivers (Korah - Numbers 16)

There is a three-fold step of dissatisfaction: Complaining, criticizing, conniving (manipulating, rebelling). The last of this three-fold step can be seen in Korah.

Korah was a Levite. He and his family were given certain responsibilities in the worship of Israel. In Numbers 4:1-20 they were given the responsibility of carrying sacred objects, such as the ark. But, limitations were also placed on them. Numbers 4:20 says they were not to look at the holy things or they would die.

Having a responsibility is an important part of feeling part of a group. It lets us know we are contributing. It gives us "ownership" in what the group is doing. Problem: we aren’t always happy with what our responsibilities are. We see someone else doing well with their tasks and wonder, "Why can’t I be doing that?" Sometimes that is ok. Sometimes that leads us to develop new talents.

But sometimes it is a problem, too. Korah wasn’t happy with carrying the sacred objects. He wanted to administer the rites of a priest. He wanted to be a priest. But that was not his call from God. Numbers 16 is the story of Korah’s rebellion against Moses and his rebellion against God’s chosen responsibilities for him.

Korah’s behavior: (Numbers 16:1-3)
1) V.1 - He became insolent. Rude, disrespectful.
2) V.2 - He rose up against Moses. He led 250 other men in his rebellion
3) V.3a - Korah and the others came as a group to oppose Moses
4) V.3b - They accused Moses of setting himself above the rest of them.

Moses offers a lengthy rebuttal. Moses says, "God has brought you near to himself; God has given you special work to do with the tabernacle; God has given you a ministry to the community." "But," Moses continues, "You want more. You are trying to get the priesthood, too." (V.8-11).


Korah’s rebellion is a continuation of a series of rebellious behavior. In Numbers 13 & 14 the people rebelled against God’s plan to take the land. Now, in Numbers 16, some of the leaders are rebelling against God’s plan for Israel’s spiritual leadership - the priesthood.

There are several reasons why people rebel. The reasons are not always bad. Here are some bad:
1) Some people simply cannot work well with others.
2) Some people always have to lead. They won’t follow or work with someone; they must always be in charge.
3) Some people can’t stand to see a smooth operating system with happy people. They themselves are disgruntled with life and they want to "share" their unhappiness with others.
4) A less severe reason, some people don’t know how to communicate their ideas very well.

There are good reasons to work for change: The system may be very sick, and rebellion seems to be the only way to effect change. (It is important for Christians to realize, though, that there are healthy ways to work for change).

How can you tell if a rebellion is occurring under negative or positive directions?
1) How open are the people and their intentions in the rebellion? Is there a lot of secret stuff going on? The more secret the rebellion tends to be, the more sinister the intentions of the rebels seem to be as well. On the other hand, the more open and honest the people are, the more noble their intentions seem to be. They may be more sincere in working for what they perceive to be necessary change, and are not just rebelling to get more power or influence for themselves.

2) How do the people in rebellion treat the leaders they are rebelling against? Do they show any respect? Any mutuality? Any care? Do they just attack, attack, attack without any thought of the harm they may be causing? In their rebellion are they maintaining their Christian character and treating others with respect? Do they try to engage their opponents in conversation, or do they just accuse them?

If you look at Korah, much of what he did seems to be of the less noble kind of rebellion.
1) Korah gathered a group around him.
2) He had his group primed for rebellion.
3) He didn’t seek to engage Moses in honest and open conversation. Instead, the opening lines of speech were accusation. He accused Moses of setting himself above everyone else. He didn’t honor that Moses was wearing himself out in service to the people. Korah wasn’t interested in doing all that; he just wanted leadership, and he had to take Moses out of the way to get it.
4) He was rude. The Bible calls him insolent. He didn’t show proper respect for Moses. Even if Moses had some failures, he was still deserving of respect. Korah didn’t show any.

This was not a wholesome attempt to bring needed change in Israel. This was an attempt for a frustrated man to get more power.

God does not respond well to complaining, unjust criticizing, or conniving. (Numbers 16:22-27; 31-34)

To avoid rebellion:
1) Everyone should be able to feel they belong
2) Church must provide opportunity for everyone to serve as they are able.
3) We, all of us, should be able to express what we think is good and bad about what is going on. We need to practice openness, honesty and respect for others so that way our motives can be trusted.

Earlier I told you about a woman named Susan (not her real name) who complained about the ladies program. Her complaining eventually turned to severe criticism (voiced in private meetings with other women) and conniving. Her constant complaining and criticism eventually wore down the resolve of the other ladies, and they let Susan be in charge of the Monday night program. She immediately dispensed with service projects and began showing a film series about "discovering our dysfunctions." The other women were not in support of this change and eventually the Monday night program and the weekly Bible study were killed.

The complaining and criticism killed the joy of the Bible study and the service project night. When the joy is gone, so is the life. Two good programs died because Susan was selfish and ungrateful. Rather than thinking of the good of the group she chose to complain, criticize and connive for position (leader of the group) until she killed a good work.

As a humbling note: we need to be aware that we might be someone else’s "disruptive" personality. So, as we discuss the "disruptive," we want to do so humbly and cautiously.


Warren Baldwin

The Distruptive Who Go to Church pt.2

Lecture 2 - WHY THE DISRUPTIVE GO TO CHURCH

There are five major sources of conflict in churches:
1) Emotions. People can feel strongly about something. Feelings and emotions are stronger than reason or thought.
2) Opinions. Often there are two or more valid positions.
3) Personalities. Different people process information, conversation, emotions differently.
4) Sinfulness. "Unvarnished human cussedness, sinful cantankerousness."
5) Faith commitments. People can share the same faith but disagree over the implications of their faith. From: Shawchuck & Heuser, Managing the Congregation, p.251

Complaining, criticizing and conniving are sources of conflict, and they contribute to perpetuating conflict. They are evil activities. God showed his extreme displeasure with all three of these behaviors in the Old Testament. Here is a quick review:

Complaining - The Israelites in the wilderness complained against God’s provision of manna. The complaining began with some rabble and spread to a large portion of the people. God responded by striking the people with a plague. (Numbers 11:33)

Criticizing - Aaron and Miriam criticized Moses for his choice of a wife. But, their criticism merely cloaked their real problem with Moses: they wanted his level of authority. They were not content with the leadership and ministries God blessed them with and they wanted more. They attacked Moses through criticism to get it. (Numbers 12:1-5)

Conniving - Korah moved beyond complaining and criticizing to connive, or manipulate, to get his way. He was rude, recruited a following, and rose up against Moses. He manipulated people and circumstances to try to gain more power.

These are all evil behaviors. In each of these three stories God intervened to rebuke people, strike them with leprosy and even kill them.

Despite God’s decisive actions against complaining, criticizing and conniving, these three behaviors still occur in our churches today. We haven’t seen the last of the Aarons, Miriams and Korahs.

I do want to say that even though complaining, criticizing and conniving are sinful behaviors, not everyone who does these things are necessarily evil! We all engage in some kind of sinful attitude or behavior but that doesn’t mean we are all evil. I don’t believe that bad behavior necessarily makes a bad person. Some people may do these things because they are evil, but others can do them because of ignorance or hurt.

Why Do These Personalities Go to Church

You may have a few people in your congregation who complain, criticize and connive. You may have been hurt by their behavior. They may consistently complain to you and dampen your spirit. They may criticize your leadership and rob your enthusiasm and energy. They may have even connived against you, pulling a power move to take your leadership or ministry, leaving you very hurt, even broken. Gossip is one weapon used to connive and manipulate.

If you have been the victim of any of these behaviors you may have asked of these people, "If things are so bad here, why do they go to church with us?" That is a good question. There are several reasons that people with these kinds of wearisome personalities go to church. I will first consider two reasons that are negative and dangerous and then two reasons that are more benign.

1) Church is a place to hide their flaws.

What is the first impression we have of someone we meet at church? They are Christians so they must be good people. We naturally ascribe the highest motives to people we meet at church. Haven’t you been so excited to meet a new family visiting worship for the first time that you automatically regard them as operating from noble intentions and motives? But, the sad truth is, such an assessment may be premature. Sometimes people attend worship with less than noble intentions. They may want to hide.

M. Scott Peck wrote, "Evil originates not in the absence of guilt but in the effort to escape it." (People of the Lie, p.76). He then identified a number of ways that people hide their evil:
1) Deny or ignore it
2) Project it onto others
3) Hide it (as in church, the Boy Scouts, etc.)
4) Control others
5) Lie (possibly a function of hiding it)
6) Present the perfect pretense or appearance (perhaps another form of hiding).
7) Destroy others.

M. Scott Peck, the author of People of the Lie, would be most displeased if we used his book to judge everyone who complains, criticizes or connives as being evil. He makes it very clear in his book that though many people are irritating and annoying that does not make them evil. At the same time, we need to be aware that even if the intentions are not evil the behavior can be evil. If it is, it can cause tremendous harm.

2) Church is a place to achieve power and control.

People often seek to exercise power or control over others because their own lives are so out of control. They may have family issues that go back to their childhood when they were made to feel insecure, violated and scared.

Chronic complainers, criticizers and connivers would deny that they are on a power kick and want to control others. And, on one level, they might be right. I don’t think most of them have a hidden agenda to seize the control from the elders or other designated leaders and reproduce a church in their image and under their control.

But, I do think some people have this as an agenda. If there is a group of critics and connivers, it is at least a good chance that the leader of that group is scheming for a regime change, and he sees himself as the initiator of that change. That is why he has his group assembled; these people are his infantry, his front line troops. He inspires them with his disdain for the direction of the church, the present leadership, the Sunday School classes - anything! - and he infuses them with his level of dissatisfaction. He now has multiplied himself with other disgruntled people who will add to the discomfort level of the church with their complaining, criticizing and conniving.

But I still think that many of the infantry don’t realize the nature of the battle they have been called to. Their present disgruntled group gives them something to feel connected to. They feel energized, they have a purpose, they are inaugurating the kingdom in its fullness! That they use negative means to do so is inconsequential; it is just what must be done.

The net affect of a group of people complaining, criticizing and conniving can be absolutely debilitating to an eldership, preacher and even an entire church. The church can feel like a battle zone when you assemble with these folks for worship or a fellowship dinner. Tensions are high and nerves are frayed. Whether they meant to do it or not, the complainers, criticizers and connivers have essentially gained a degree of control. While the leader may have meant to create this scenario, I’m not sure the ground troops he has recruited still understand what is going on.

Frequently the leader of this group has a personal life that is out of control. Leaders of hostile groups like this are often wounded people. At some point in their lives, usually during their childhood or teen years, they were deeply hurt, abandoned or even abused. They did not grow up in a home with security and peace. Their inner lives are in turmoil because their developmental years were spent in turmoil. These emotions create instability in their lives, so they try to create stability by controlling circumstances and people around them. Unless they receive counseling and help, they will likely go through life expecting turmoil, even producing it in places where they don’t find it.

Ironically, the very place where they thought they could hide the dysfunction that has tormented their life, the church, becomes another scene of conflict for them. In many cases it is conflict they have created.

There are two more reasons why complainers, criticizers and connivers go to church. These two reasons are a bit more benign.

3) They are ignorant of their negative behavior and its ramifications.

Remember the five reasons for conflict: emotions, opinions, personality differences, sinfulness and different faith commitments. People can complain for any of these reasons, and they will feel quite justified in doing so. Do we ever think our emotions opinions or faith commitments are wrong? And when they get challenged, one possible response is to complain.
Further, some complain because they grew up in a home with complaining. Some complain because it gets them attention. Some complain as a cry for help.

I doubt if the people who complain for these reasons know how draining it can be. I doubt if they realize complaining is horribly displeasing to God, and that, left unchecked, it can lead to rebellion in the form of criticizing and conniving for control.

They just don’t understand all this. They may simply want a place to belong. They may feel disconnected from the world Even though these reasons for complaining, criticizing or conniving may seem benign, they still have harmful effects for the ones behaving this way and for those who must endure it.

4) Church is a place to connect and transform (hope).

I’d like to think that at least some people who engage in these destructive behaviors have the chance to experience connection and transformation. Church is one of the best places for that to happen for them.

Lauren F. Winner is the author of Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity. In the book she talks about her struggles with sexual purity. Three practices helped her live purely as a young single. The first practice was prayer. She prayed that God would shape her heart to desire what God wanted for her. She prayed to not be led into temptation, emotionally and sexually. The second practice was reading. Lauren read the Bible but also the classics of the early church fathers. Thirdly, Lauren leaned upon the church. Lauren writes, "We, one another’s siblings in Christ, are meant to instruct and nurture, and we are also meant to reprimand and hold accountable ... Sometimes I have been bowled over by the harm the church has done ... But other times I have been stunned by the generosity and compassion and firmness fellow Christians have shown me as I have wrestled with chastity and sexual sin." (Pp.23-24).

Lauren was fortunate to have found a church that could be patient with her as she struggled through her worldly concepts of sexuality and embraced the perspective of God and the Bible. One of the key ingredients to help steady her journey and keep her on track was the body of believers called "the church."

We owe that same kind of support system to anyone seeking to follow Jesus. Even the complainer, critic and conniver deserve our attempts to provide a place for them where they can lay down their defensiveness and over time open their hearts to acceptance of themselves, Jesus Christ, and the body.

Lauren’s story is not about one of the three issues we are discussing here, but it is equally profound. Here was a struggling young woman looking for a place to connect. She was looking for hope. She found it at church. We can hope the same for people who’s lives are spent in complaining, criticizing and conniving.

Warren Baldwin

The Disruptive Who Go to Church pt.3

Lecture 3 - HOW THE CHURCH CAN SERVE THE DISRUPTIVE

How does the church respond to the disruptive?

1) Love and patience

A basic principle for how we as Christians treat everyone is stated by Jesus in John 13:34, "As I have loved you so you must love one another." No matter how frustrating and even unnerving the complainer, critic and conniver may become, our posture toward them is still one of love. Love can take a couple of courses which I will discuss in a moment. First, we must recognize several responses that are not loving:
a) To engage in equally inappropriate behavior as the complainer, critic and conniver. We simply cannot enter into the discussion at this level.
b) To withdraw from the church. Unfortunately, whenever these kind of behaviors get out of hand, people often leave the church.
c) to form our own little cliques to oppose the complainers.

It is easy for us to take any of these three tacks when faced with these kinds of personalities, but we need to resist. Remember to practice love and patience, even with people who make it difficult for us to do so. In The Equipping Church Sue Mallory reminds us that even the difficult to love serve a valuable purpose for us: "They ... provide ample opportunity for the practice of unconditional love" (p.49).

Practicing unconditional love has the power to penetrate the irritation and dysfunction of another human being and find the good in them. " The deepest urge in every human heart is to be in relationship with someone who absolutely delights in us, someone with resources we lack who has no greater joy than giving to us, someone who respects us enough to require us to use everything we receive for the good of others, and because he has given it to us, knows we have something to give. The longing to connect defines our dignity as human beings and our destiny as image-bearers." (Larry Crabb, Connecting: Healing for Ourselves and Our Relationships P.45).

Every normal person wants to be loved and cherished. That is the "deepest urge in every human heart." Sometimes because of hurt, shame and fear, people hide that deepest urge under walls of complaining, criticizing and condemning. But, we can’t allow them to keep those walls up. Love and patience offer hope to bring those walls down.

2) Listen to the complainer, critic or conniver

A good friend of mine, an elder for a number of years, shared another important idea with me about how to help people who are playing disruptive roles in the church. He says to listen to them. Get to know them and simply let them tell their story.

A wonderful family began attending his congregation and was involved in helping others and conducting Bible studies. But, the man also became vocal and critical about how he thought things should be handled differently at church. The eldership met with the individual and asked to better understand his concerns. As the conversation developed, it became increasingly obvious that he was unaware of the negative impact he was casting over those with whom he came in contact. One thing that helped the elders understand the man’s style was to learn of his military background. As an officer he was often required to be a maverick, including during action in Viet Nam. He often had to use a confrontational style to motivate his troops. The former officer took that perception and leadership style to church with him.

The elder said that part of the man’s reason for complaining and criticizing was his perception of what was required to get things done. He nearly broke down when the elders shared how others were taking his actions, despite his good intentions. The elder’s posture toward him was one of love. They listened to his story and offered feedback on how he was being perceived. The brother listened and gradually started to modify his behavior.

3) Honest confrontation.

Honest confrontation involves teaching, rebuking and more teaching.

Ideally, we should be teaching positive lessons about appropriate Christian behavior all the time. This lays the basis for rebuking that may need to follow later.

Rebuking is simply confronting a person with his or her behavior. We naturally recoil from doing this. I’ve heard many people say they won’t do that because it doesn’t do any good. Too often they have seen failure come from confronting people with their behavior. I’ve seen a lot of negative results, too, but I’ve also seen some good. Maybe the reason we don’t see more good is because we don’t do enough confronting.

The best people to confront are those who don’t want to do it. Some people love to confront. I’m leery of them doing it. In a rebuke situation they may be too confrontational and harsh. You want someone who will be gentle and caring. This is not a battle to be won; it is a brother to be won. A guiding verse could be Galatians 6:1, "Brothers, is someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted." One of the temptations we face in a confronting situation is making it a "us against them" situation. We are dealing with the Lord’s body. 1 Cor. 3:17 says, "If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple." We must make sure that we feed and build the temple, even under trying circumstances, and not fracture it.

Some more on the Susan story: none of the ladies stood up to Susan. Several of them responded to her complaints by complaining about her, but none of them confronted her and said, "Susan, stop it. We are sorry that our Bible class and service project arrangement does not meet your schedule, but that does not give you the right to disrupt everyone else." The male leadership of the church did not confront Susan, either. They let her complain and criticize and kill a good work.

Will Willimon listened repeatedly to a woman’s complaints about feeling down and depressed. One day he apologized to her for treating her as if she were ill. "You have a ½ million dollar home. You live in a wonderful town. Yet this doesn’t appear to be enough. Why would you want more?" Willimon said after that he had a wonderful conversation with her and expected a more abundant life for her" (Will Willimon, Pastor, pp.92-3). Effective confrontation and rebuke can and should be gentle and caring.

4) Walls of strength

Church members need to be taught to stand together and not reward disruptive behavior. Disruptive behavior, such as complaining, criticizing and complaining, are rewarded when we give it too much attention, especially when we listen to it and go along with it.

Even if members have legitimate complaints against elders, the educational program, or the order of service, there are appropriate ways of expressing their concerns. Speaking directly to the people they have ought against is the first step.

Ignoring the complainer might work for the occasional complaint. But if it is flagrant, ignoring often will not work. Trying too hard to be nice and keep the peace "gives lots of leverage, sometimes complete control, to those hard-nosed people willing to make a public scene. The group usually gives them extra space, which translates into power ..." (Well-Intentioned Dragons, P.67)

Briefly, there are two levels in which we can engage disruptive behavior. The first level is individual. The individual complainer, critic or conniver can be dealt with on an individual level. But, if left unattended, one individual’s actions can spread and become a group effort. It can become systemic. That means the spirit of rebellion has spread throughout the church body and has infected a larger number of people. According to Shawchuck & Heuser in Managing the Congregation, when that happens, the leaders must try to isolate the dissatisfied members with walls of strength. This is the second level of involvement. Those walls of strength are members who are taught and mentored by the leaders to resist being drawn into the systemic tempest.

The best way to serve the disruptive, and the entire church, is to follow the advice of Marshall Shelley in Well-Intentioned Dragons: "Concentrate on developing a healthy church" ( P.83). That is easier said than done! But below are some theological principles and organizational plans to help a church develop health, do kingdom work, and monitor dissatisfaction.

An example of how to structure for a healthy church is found in the book Managing the Congregation. The authors present a model to help transform the system. The model addresses the four necessary components of a healthy functioning church. The components are:

1) Mission
Answers the questions, Who are We? What is our business? How do we get it done?
2) Organization Design
Opportunity for every member to be involved
3) Spirituality / Vision
Ministering like Jesus
4) Relationships
Building community

(From Shawchuck & Heuser, Managing the Congregation)

Of course, every aspect of ministry and work, from teaching, building, confronting and working to build a healthy system must be bathed in prayer.

Warren Baldwin