Producing Positive Change

Producing Positive Change

In Appreciative Inquiry Mark Lau Branson says health and dysfunction live side-by-side in every system. We want health to prevail, but it doesn’t always. Sometimes negative attitudes and behaviors overwhelm the positive, and a spirit of doubt, suspicion, and anger prevails.

Branson says it is possible for a church to get back on a more positive course, and how it is done has to do with how an organization perceives itself. It’s self-perception is it’s sense of how things are and how they are supposed to be, it’s reality. Branson mentions ten factors that influence how the members of a system create it’s sense of reality. I’ll discuss three here.

One, what we focus on becomes our reality. The standard approach to solving difficulties and to promoting growth and change in most systems is problem solving. The trouble with this approach is we focus on problems. We identify them, study them, and contemplate solutions for them. During all this time we are focusing on the problems, granting them our time and energies and thus, by default, making them the object of our focus.

This can be seen in someone in a system (business, church or family) becoming unhappy with the leadership or an activity. They talk to other members of the system about it, making it an issue for them. News of the dissatisfaction spreads through the system, eventually reaching the leadership. Management meets to discuss the dissatisfaction and related problems issuing from the original one, namely, gossip and its negative consequences, spreading discontent, loss of respect for leadership, and the rising popularity of the one who started the whole process. The focus of the entire company is now concentrated on the problem and “problem” personality, elevating the dysfunction of the organization to the level of reality.

The second factor is related to the first one: our language becomes our reality. Our words and speech express what we are focusing on. If our focus is on problems, our speech will give expression to our thoughts. Without intending to, without even being aware of the dynamic, our language continues to feed the perception that the overriding issue in our system is burgeoning problems. And problems continue to compound.

Leadership now feels the pressure of member dissatisfaction and growing negativism in the system. Meetings are characterized by stress over the problems and the press of needing to find solutions. Anxiety overwhelms everyone present. Without a doubt, the focus and language of this group is creating their sense of reality: problems.

Another factor is that organizations are heliotropic. Heliotropic is a botanical term referring to a plant’s inclination to grow toward the sun, it’s energy source. People in groups are the same way. They gravitate toward whoever or whatever produces heat or energy. A disgruntled member of the system who is actively promoting discontent is a definite source of energy. It doesn’t matter if the energy he is producing is negative, unproductive, unethical or even wrong. The fact that he is generating heat means he is going to get attention, and his behavior will help shape the sense of reality for the organization. Everyone, both those in his corner and those who oppose his opinions and behavior, can all become consumed by the negativism of this person.

By the time leadership can begin to address the initial complaint, a pessimistic undercurrent has permeated the whole group. Suspicions soar. Everyone becomes judgmental and edgy. Small groups develop in opposition to each other. Workers are discouraged. This is not a healthy environment. But it is the reality.

A biblical example of this problem occurring in the spiritual community can be seen in the wilderness wanderings of Israel, where complaints against God’s provisions and Mosaic leadership resulted in the rebellion led by Korah, Dothan and Abiram. By the time the festering wound of complaint became public, these men led a contingent of 250 people against Moses. (Numbers 16).

The same factors that produce a toxic atmosphere in a family, church or business where members are unhappy and critical can also produce a healthy environment. The leaders cannot allow the current negative spirit to determine the organizational reality. They must rise above the current spirit, envision something more beneficial, and use focus and language positively, allowing these heliotropic factors to produce the new sense of reality they desire.

First, the leaders must refocus the attention of the members from the negative to the positive, from dysfunction to health. This can often be accomplished by using a system called “Appreciative Inquiry,” that is, a series of questions leaders ask of members that draws out their image of when and how the organization was operating at its best. “What are your best memories of this organization? Who was involved? What did we do? How did we do it? What were the feelings and the emotions of everyone involved? Just the asking of the questions may be enough to alter the focus of the people from the negative to the positive and cause them to start imagining a more congenial working environment again.

Next, the language of the leadership must reflect the positive focus they are trying to instill. To dream of a more positive environment but continuing to use defeating speech (talking about all the things that are wrong) is counterproductive. Leaders must speak of the desired outcome as if it is a current reality.

If leaders of a church ask members about a time they remember the body functioning well, and they hear talk about mission emphasis and youth devotionals encouraging faith, they might do well to think about reviving these activities. Members who recall these past functions might even be involved in the planning and reorganizing of them. The organizational stage will be a time for continued positive recall and discussion, allowing language to continue the healthy focus. Newer and younger members also involved in the planning will ‘catch’ the rebirth of the positive feelings. Announcements can continue to use language to promote a healthy atmosphere.

The combination of focus and language will hopefully (prayerfully!) promote a heliotropic response, with people leaning toward the source of energy. If the negative energy (grumbling, complaining, criticism) is replaced with something healthier (positive recall, working together toward a common goal, wider member participation and planning), members will be drawn toward that energy, and will get caught up in that spirit.

Jesus used such focus and language to create the reality he desired for his followers. “You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world. (You are) a city on a hill. Let your light shine before men” (Matthew 5:13-16). Such powerful metaphors redirected the theological and social expectations of fishermen, tax collectors and other ordinary men to envision and actually produce a spiritual revolution. The power source they produced by their commitment to Jesus and submission to the Holy Spirit shook the earth with new hope, possibility and reality, the aftershock of which is still felt today in all of us who confess, “Jesus is Lord.”

Warren Baldwin

Tongues of Silver

TONGUES OF SILVER

The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. Proverbs 10:20

Miners, speculators, investors and even brides have always prized gold and silver. These precious metals are rare, usable and maintain their value. They are also beautiful when refined and used in art and jewelry.

Gold and silver have been cherished since ancient times. Kings and queens used them to decorate thrones and crowns. In the early days of our country, people sold everything they owned to venture out west, risking their wealth and their health to find strands of gold and silver in the earth. Today, young men and women symbolize their love for each other shiny bands of gold and other jewelry made of silver. Gold and silver is valuable and precious.

Photo compliments of Karli Bonnie Photography

Drawing on the beauty, usefulness and value of these commodities, Proverbs compares them to something else of great value: wisdom. In Proverbs 2:4 says we should look for wisdom as a miner looks for silver and treasure. The English word "look" really doesn’t convey the idea of how intense this search for silver, treasure and wisdom is supposed to be. The idea is that something is missing and you seek in earnest for it, striving with emotional intensity (Bruce Waltke, The Book of Proverbs, NICOT, 1:222).

I remember my aunt losing the diamond out of her wedding ring. I was just a kid and was confused by the frantic search all the adults in the family were making looking for that little stone. I asked my mom, "What’s the big deal? It’s just a little rock, right?" Sure! I learned what intensity was that weekend! I have a friend who lost his wedding ring, and years later his wife is still angry at him for it. There is a lot of emotion tied in him those little emblems of gold, silver and precious stone. We feel deep loss if they go missing. That, the Sage says, is what we ought to feel in our search for wisdom. Earnestness. Intensity. Loss if we don’t find it.

With this discussion in mind, think of Proverbs 10:20 again: The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.

This verse appears in the midst of an extended discussion about wise and foolish tongues. Wise speech comes from the mouth of the righteous and is a fountain of life (10:11). While a fool is busy chattering away a wise man is busy storing up knowledge (10:14). The wise know how to hold their tongues, not speaking when it is inappropriate and not speaking to much (10:19). When the wise man does speak his words are worth listening to. The righteous speak words that are wise and fit the occasion (10:31,32), so their speech brings nourishment (10:21).

Foolish speech emanates from a heart that is not devoted to acquiring wisdom. The one who speaks foolishly stirs up hatred and violence against others and ultimately against himself (10:11) One way a foolish person stirs up hatred is in the lies he tells and the slander he spreads (10:18). The foolish mouth also stirs up anger because it simply talks too much and has no value or substance. Two times the Sage says "a chattering fool comes to ruin" (10:9,10). The fool speaks of things that are wicked and disgusting (10:31,32).

In the middle of this discussion is the comment about the tongue of the righteous being choice silver. The imagery of rarity, usefulness and value are applied to the speech of the righteous person. The speech of the wise is rare because there is not enough of it. It is useful because it encourages and transforms lives. It maintains its value because it imparts life. Such speech is choice silver, having been refined to produce purity. "The dross of evil intentions and effects" has been removed from the wise man's heart and thus his mouth (Waltke, 1:471), revealing one more important reason wise speech is so critically important. It honors God's social order by promoting wholesome life for individuals and the community.

The power of wholesome words to uphold God's order and impart life can be heard in the words of Jesus, "Neither do I condemn you, go now and leave your life of sin" (John 8:11). Taken to heart, those words could perform to heal the shame of this woman and restore refreshment to her life. May our words do the same.

Warren Baldwin

Crafting Words

Crafting Words

The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse. Proverbs 10:32

The righteous know what is fitting because they know three important things: the heart of God, the heart of others, and their own hearts.

"The lips of the righteous know what is fitting" refers to speech. Fitting speech refers to words that are spoken at the right time to the right people in the right circumstances. Someone who handles words this appropriately are artists and craftsmen.

My girls were excited when I arrived at home with a bunk bed kit for their room. But excitement turned to disappointment when several re-cut pieces didn’t fit and pre-drilled holes for the screws didn’t line up. Someone in the factory was careless with their measurements, cutting and drilling.

It is too easy for our speech to be as haphazard and ill-fitting as the pieces of the bunk bed. For the wicked, speech is perverse, meaning it violates moral and societal standards. Perverse means to "turn upside down." It is immoral, offensive, and inappropriate. Children exposed to this kind of speech grow up without any internal apparatus for tuning in to spiritual thoughts or behavior.

But inappropriate speech doesn’t just emanate from those with impure and wicked hearts, nor is it limited to that which is immoral or offensive. Inappropriate speech is that which fails to take into account people’s feelings and situations.

One year after losing their oldest son, friends of ours were asked by a lady at church, "Are you still grieving for him? It’s been a year." She has no idea how she cut the heart of our friends. It wasn’t wickedness that prompted her cruel comment; it was simply an unsympathetic and undiscerning heart. Because she didn’t know the heart of God, the heart of her friends, or even her own heart, she spoke words that tore the spirit.

The heart of God is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, loving and faithful (Exodus 34:6). To know his heart is to walk in his kindness, showing compassion to the hurt and suffering. Someone attuned to the heart of God would never so callously dismiss the constant ache felt by grieving parents. God knows the pain of losing a son.

Secondly, to know the heart of another person is to place ourselves in the drama of their lives and feel, as best we can imagine, the joys and hurts they experience. Though our children may be alive and healthy, can we imagine what it would be like to visit our own child in the cancer ward? Can we stretch to think what it must be like to make the funeral arrangements for our son or daughter? Such thoughts are not pleasant, but neither are they morbid if the focus of such thoughts is to enter into another’s suffering and experience life with them.

Finally, to be able to speak words that are fitting, we must know our own hearts. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"(Jeremiah 17:9). We all have an amazing capacity for thoughts, speech and behavior that is inconsiderate, selfish, and even evil. We can become so absorbed in our own lives that we become blind or insensitive to the circumstances of others. For those of us who have never experienced loss, grieving for a year may seem like sufficient time to calm the ache of a heart. But have we really put ourselves in the place of those parents who still see the empty chair at dinner time?

It takes a craftsman who knows wood to fashion furniture so that the pieces fit and are aesthetically pleasing. Likewise, it takes a craftsman who knows hearts to fashion words so that they fit the setting, offering peace, comfort or even rebuke, as the situation may demand. To become a craftsmen of words, studying hearts, beginning with the heart that yearns to make us righteous: God’s.

Warren Baldwin

Build or Destroy

BUILD OR DESTROY

Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed. Proverbs 11:11

Some personalities are so dynamic people are irresistibly drawn to them. Salesmen sell cars, politicians draw votes, and preachers win converts often on the power of their persona. Most of us may not possess such irresistible drawing power, but we all do have a level of influence that may far exceed even our own perception. Proverbs 11:11 address that issue.

The effect of our character, our personal power, builds or destroys communities. "Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted." The blessing of the upright is likely the power of their pure character mediated through their speech. Verses 9 through 14 all address the effect of speech. The righteous bless with their speech while the wicked destroy with theirs.

The blessing of righteous speech is to exalt a city. To exalt means "build up." A city is built up by the construction of houses for people to live in and, in ancient times, by protective walls around the city. In such an environment people can thrive in security and safety.

The speech of the wise man does the same thing for a city. With his speech the wise man teaches firm principles of honorable living, like honesty, kindness and hard work. More than just talking about principles, his life models them. The wise man encourages people within his charge to live up to higher standards, and he expresses appreciation for them when they do. His is also able to offer an appropriate rebuke when necessary, but always with a view toward building a life, not discouraging one. After years of exposure to the speech and life of the wise man, the city, be it a business office, church or home, is taught and enabled to live better because of him.

But the mouth of the wicked destroys. While verses 9 through 14 address speech, most of it is about the speech of the wicked man. He derides his neighbor and betrays a confidence. Years of his influence destroys relationship and people (v.9).

The speech of the wicked man has the following affect on people. One, he debases them, usually in front of other people. He may minimize their accomplishments in a subtle way by simply saying, "Oh wow," with a mocking grin or more overtly by comparing their success with others who have done more. "Well, I know people who have done even better and at a younger age." He gossips about others, reducing the esteem other people have for them (v.9). The affect is to leave the person feeling less than what he should for his accomplishment, and creating embarrassment for him by doing it in front of others.

Secondly, the wicked man discourages others with his speech. Consistent debasement through putdowns, mockery and belittling comments kills initiative in the victim’s heart. Fear crowds out incentive to try; failure confirms the expectation of the wicked man. Children raised in such an environment may reason it is worthless to ever attempt anything worthwhile in life, or they may spend their life in vain pursuit of trying ever harder to achieve an accomplishment that will win the wicked man’s approval, all so they can feel worthwhile.

Finally, as a result of the debasement and discouragement, the wicked man destroys those who fall under his influence. People feel ashamed and unworthy of doing well. They give up worthy aspirations, become embittered and angry, and can become wicked themselves, destroying the people they influence just as they were destroyed.

Having a forceful personality helps in selling cars, drawing votes, and winning converts. But such dynamic charisma is really not needed to effect much good. The quiet, consistent voice of a righteous man who teaches wisdom, expresses appreciation, encourages good work, and gives positive recognition for accomplishment is building a city. He is exalting the staff in his office, the members of his church, and the children and spouse in his family. The foundation of his city is firm, the walls are strong, and the inhabitants of his dwelling are free and secure to live, love, even fail, because they know they have room to try again. Any city is blessed by such a man.

Warren Baldwin

An Apt Word

AN APT WORD

A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Proverbs 25:11

Knowing what to speak, to whom to speak and when to speak is a function of godly wisdom. "It is only fools who speak all the time, without regard for the circumstance ... The wisdom formula is to speak the right word to the right person at the right time" (Longman, 453).

A well-timed word has several positive attributes to it. One, it reaffirms our value. A teenager cut from the basketball team, a husband and father terminated from his job, a wife reeling from an unsought-for divorce all suffer from devastating hits to their lives and psyches, pain felt very deeply within their being. A corollary to such blows is that we question our own worth or value. We have, after all, just been rejected by a team, business and relationship from which we drew a significant sense of our own identity. We may wonder if we will ever find another place or person to belong to. A well-timed word at this juncture can rescue us from swimming in the sea of self-doubt and reaffirm that we are people of worth.

Two, an apt word refocuses our vision. Lingering in the shadow of our damaged self-worth is blurred vision. The future looks foggy at best, and any vision we may have left is bleak, even ominous and threatening. It is natural that from the humiliating defeats and emotionally disturbing setbacks would come reticence to face the future. What lies ahead? If I have failed now, what prospects do I have for better results in the future? If I have been rejected, can genuine love ever find me again? A timely word to such a person is one that considers their circumstances, acknowledges the pain and uncertainty choking their heart, and offers even the slightest vision that the future can be faced.

Three, an appropriate word is one that rekindles hope. The future is very uninviting when it seems to offer only prospects of continued gloom and doom. Living with the fear of never belonging again, lacking financial resources or having no one to bond intimately with is gloomy. But that well-timed word, if embedded and nurtured in the heart of the sufferer, can eventually sprout and grow, offering vision and hope of a brighter future that we can participate in.

Finally, a well-timed word can even deliver necessary rebuke. To rebuke someone is to expose them to the truth of their situation, their attitude or behavior, and the appropriate response they need to make. Rebuke is usually appropriate for someone who persists in inappropriate or dangerous behavior. Rebuke may not apply initially to someone struggling with situations of rejection and hurt as I descried above, but, there may come a time when even they need a gentle nudge to open their eyes. "Ok, you lost your job, I’m very sorry. But you are not likely to find another job by watching tv all day, seven days a week. It’s time to pull yourself together and get back out there." It may seem out of place discussing rebuke after describing an apt reply as one that reaffirms value, refocuses vision and rekindles hope. But, an apt reply isn’t limited to situations of encouraging the broken-hearted; it can also apply to those pursuing paths that can render them hard-hearted. (For more discussion of an apt reply functioning as rebuke, see the essay "Judicial Decisions).

The finesse of Jesus’ response to the woman entrapped in sin demonstrates the power of the apt reply. Even if she didn’t know the law the woman knew the Pharisees initially advocated stoning her. That is quite a blow to one’s self-composure and image! Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you." But he didn’t withhold rebuke. "Leave your life of sin," he said next. He acknowledged her sin and told her to abandon it, choosing instead to live morally and spiritually. With this gentle rebuke and freedom from condemnation, the woman’s value was affirmed and was she free to envision a future of hope and second chances (John 8:1-11).

An apt word delivered to a hurting soul is "a masterpiece of human art" (Bland, 225), comparable to richly designed apples of gold in settings of silver. The beauty of both enrich our lives and testify to the wisdom and skill of the master artisan who crafted them.

Warren Baldwin

MOCKERS

MOCKERS

"Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger." Proverbs 29:8

Mockers are tough to deal with. Mockers are wise guys. Not wise as in, "Boy, is he SMART." But a wise guy as in, "He has a sharp tongue. He’ll cut you to the quick."

Mockers are quick-witted. They always have a snappy answer. And it usually is sharp and penetrating. If they direct their remarks to you, others will likely laugh, thinking the mocker is hilariously funny. But, you will feel the sting. You’ll know there is something besides the face-value of the humor. There is a sharp point that pierces your heart and your pride. And there are sharp barbs that keep the arrowhead painfully buried in your memory.

The mocker appears strong. If you challenge their humor with some humor of your own directed back at them, you will lose. Your joke won’t go over as well, or they will turn it back around on you. They already have the energy and momentum going in their favor. They already have the group laughing WITH them AT you. If you challenge the mocker, you are going against a stacked deck.

Mockers seems to be well adjusted people who are popular and well-liked. They seem to always have people around them. Those people are usually laughing. Some people are actually envious of mockers.

Mockers are quick-witted, no doubt. But mockers really aren’t strong. They appear that way externally, but inwardly they are a raging torrent and that rage actually makes them weak. The hurtful sarcasm is simply a way to keep people at arms length. They may lack self-esteem. They are often the ones who are envious of the higher character of someone else. They feel alone in a crowd because, even though it looks like they are accepted by other people, they haven’t accepted themselves. So, despite appearances, mockers are not well adjusted. They are "stirred up" inside - uncertain of themselves, poor self-esteem, angry. That is why, according to Solomon, they "stir up a city." They project their unease and discomfort onto everyone else with a biting, sarcastic humor that leaves other people hurt.

In contrast to the mocker is the wise man. The wise man may not be as quick-witted as the mocker, but he doesn’t have to be. He is not engaged in any put-downs of other people. He values their relationship too much to embarrass them in front of others. The wise man not only appears strong; he is strong. His inner strength comes from an assurance of the value God has assigned to him. And the mocker is well adjusted. He may not be popular, but whatever recognition he does receive from others is because of his calmness, his sense of value, and his fair treatment of others.

The wise man may not gravitate toward the center of attention like the mocker, but he doesn’t need to. His strength of character is read by people who recognize the value of character. And through them his influence is felt by others.

The influence of the mocker is to disrupt, disturb, upset. "Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended." (Prov. 22:10). Mockers use their insults to "stir up a city." But the influence of a wise man is to impart wisdom, build others up, calm the disturbance of the mocker. Wise men "turn away anger" - the anger of the mocker and the anger they create in others.

One of God’s blessing to us is the presence of wisdom mediated through other people! The wise offer a calm, soothing stability in our topsy-turvy world. They are powerful with a strength that comes from God - knowing his Word and living in relationship with Him. And they pass this strength on to the rest of us with their well-spoken words: "A man find joy in giving an apt reply - and how good is a timely word!" Prov. 15:23. By the speech we use, we can all choose to be the means by which God blesses others with his power for today.

Warren Baldwin

Fitting Speech

FITTING SPEECH

"The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse." Proverbs 10:32.

Children can sense when decency has been violated. I was driving Wes and Jenny home from school when Wes asked me what a certain phrase meant. He was eight years old and had never heard that term before at home. I asked, "Where did you hear that?" "On the playground," he answered. "I’m glad you asked me what the phrase meant before you started using it. It’s not very nice, and I’ll have to explain it to you later when your five-year old sister isn’t around. She doesn’t need to hear about that yet."

Jenny had been sitting in the middle of the pickup seat during this conversation. Her eyes were big with curiosity and her head swivelled back and forth between Wes and me as we talked. When she heard that she would be denied the explanation until she was a bit older, she covered her ears with her hands and said, "Go ahead and tell him Dad, I can’t hear anything." "You can’t?" I asked her. "No, I can’t," she replied. I waited until later.

Children may not know what a vulgar term means, but they can sense if it has the ring of impropriety about it if they have never heard it spoken before in the home, church or other social gatherings of family and friends. They sense that an order has been violated and they are curious, even uncomfortable, about what it might mean.

This order or appropriateness is what Proverbs 10:32 is about. People who are righteous or wise in matters of godliness and propriety speak words that are fitting and pleasant; people who are not wise or righteous speak words that violate sensibilities and offend. The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse

It seems strange to speak of lips as having knowledge, doesn’t it? "The lips of the righteous know what is fitting." Can lips know anything? This is an example of a common figure of speech in Proverbs known as metonymy, where one object is used in place of another object it is related to. Here, lips are used in the place of a heart that is attuned to God and his will. Such a heart is filled with a sense of God, his moral teaching, and his high regard for other people. The lips of this person express the substance of a heart filled with godly wisdom and righteousness, uttering words that are fitting and pleasant.

The lips or mouth of the wicked, however, speak what is perverse. Perverse means to "turn upside down" (Roland E. Murphy, Proverbs, p.76). It implies that proper order has been completely disrupted and upended. Instead of an atmosphere of appropriate speech characterized by intelligent discussion, respectful tones and encouragement for one another, perverse conversation is distasteful, even ungodly. The effect of such speech is to "confound the moral judgment of others, and to overthrow God’s rule" (Waltke, Proverbs. 1:480).

Do Christians take the subject of appropriate speech seriously enough? Are we occasionally lured into conversation or humor muddied by base innuendo or course language? Do we engage in negative, slanderous putdowns of other people? We may regard such offenses as inconsequential, but Proverbs 10:32 challenges our casual disdain. The mouth of the wicked (speak) only what is perverse. Another proverb threatens that such a tongue shall be "cut out" (Prov. 10:31) by God himself. Such a warning constrains us to examine our hearts and temper our tongues.

To be perverse means to turn God’s order upside down. It means to reverse the intention God had for the heart, purity and innocence, and fill it with filth and degradation. It means that when a heart that is impure speaks, wickedness flows forth. That wickedness may be gossip, slander, lies, course jokes, crude expressions or threats of violence. All of these manifestations of perverseness give evidence of a heart in need of cleansing. Even small children with tender hearts sense this. If only Christian adults had such spiritual orientation!

Our words reveal the substance of our heart. The lips of the righteous know what is fitting because they speak from a heart influenced and shaped by the Creator.

Warren Baldwin

Why Words Hurt

WHY WORDS HURT

"From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence." Prov. 13:2

Why do words sometimes hurt? They may hurt if we have been criticized. Criticism calls into question our ability, our intelligence and even our character. Sometimes the criticism may be just and hurts because it is true, even if it is offered gently. If the criticism is offered with a air of condescension and judgment, it stings like a serrated knife. No one enjoys such verbal accosting.

Words may hurt if they are thoughtless or careless. A joke told at our expense can make us the center of ridicule. No one wants to be the object of such negative attention. It makes us feel helpless and vulnerable.

Words may hurt if they pinpoint a mistake we made or a weakness we have. This is known as fault finding. We know the difference in someone saying, "You were late," as a simple statement, and someone adding a cutting edge to it, as in, "You were late!", with a razor’s edge in their tone. Words spoken like this point out a failure we have committed or a weakness in our character. Such words are embarrassing.

I think these reasons for words hurting have several things in common. One, we take them personally. If we could just dismiss criticism, cutting humor and fault finding, we wouldn’t be bothered by them. But, they strike us painfully in the heart so they are hard to dismiss.

Secondly, these words single us out for negative attention. We either feel reduced, intimidated or embarrassed. All of these emotions are the result of feeling attacked and ridiculed. They may also make us angry, leading us to strike back verbally. Other people might slip off and cry.

There is a third reason for why words may hurt us: the speaker intends for them to. No doubt all of us are guilty of criticizing someone, using jabbing humor and nitpicking someone’s behavior or character. Sometimes we may have done it without really intending any harm. Still, we may have hurt someone very deeply.

Then again, we may be guilty of criticizing, ridiculing through humor and fault finding because, indeed, we do intend to damage someone. Solomon said that "the unfaithful have a craving for violence." Tremper Longman interprets this statement to read, "The appetite of the faithless is violence." Whereas righteous people use speech that is "wise and helpful," the unrighteous "prefer violence to satisfy their appetite. They would prefer to hurt others with their words." ("Proverbs," 284)

So, one significant reason words sometimes hurt is because people intend for them to. They have considered the harmful affect of criticism, mocking humor and fault finding, know it will do damage to another’s heart, and proceed to unload their verbal violence with calculated cruelty. The verbal explosion they assault someone with satisfies some perverse pleasure in their own hearts. They may feel insecure themselves, judged, alone, hurt and insignificant. Rather than working on their own character flaws and growing in maturity, they prefer to slam someone else to the ground.

If you are the victim of verbal assault, realize that it could be offered by someone who is naive and doesn’t know the damaging affects of their words. But, be aware that there are some people who fully intend for you to feel the sting of emotion you experience. Your best weapon is to diffuse their power by acknowledging their intent, praying for them, and refusing to play their game. Also, make sure that your own character is growing and maturing. Be one of the righteous wise whose words help others. Don’t be one of the foolish unfaithful who rely on violence to feel satisfied and get one over on someone else.

Warren Baldwin

Honest Testimony

HONEST TESTIMONY
Proverbs 12:17

"A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies." Proverbs 12:17

I think I would enjoy being a forensic scientist for the FBI. I watch some of the police shows on tv and read stories about police investigations. It amazes me how a police scientist can take a hair found on a shirt, run tests on it, and use it to match the DNA of a suspect in a crime. Police can take a sample from the tiniest speck of blood on a kitchen floor, run tests, compare it to blood on a shirt found in a garbage can five miles away, and match it to a crime committed in that kitchen. What really gets me is how DNA tests can be run 20 years after a crime is committed, exonerating or confirming someone’s guilt.

Today we have incredible scientific and technological means of proving guilt or innocence in a crime. Finger prints, saliva, blood, hair and threads of clothing can convict you of what you thought was a perfect crime. If you walk across a floor, you are leaving evidence of where you were days before. All of that can be used against you in a court of law. It’s almost spooky.

People are known to lie in court. They lie hoping that they won’t get in trouble. "I wasn’t in that store." "I’ve never seen that person." "That’s not my knife." All of these can be lies. How can you prove if they are indeed telling the truth or if they are lying?

In ancient times you needed two things to make a case in court. One, you needed people to tell the truth, whether defendants or witnesses. Secondly, you needed evidence. Gathering evidence though, was not quite as sophisticated as today.

In ancient times if you stole a person’s cow, the owner and court officials could find the animal in your field. That was evidence. If you injured a neighbor’s servant, they just had to watch him limp, or see him lying on the ground, and that was evidence. But they didn’t have the sophisticated means of matching blood types, analyzing hair samples and comparing strands of cloth. There were no microscopes, chemicals or computer imaging to compare things at the microscopic level. Evidence was simple and basic.

Ancient courts had to rely upon the integrity of the one testifying. Everything hinged on a person telling the truth.

Punishment for Lying

Two things were done to try to ensure truth-telling by defendants, accusers and witnesses. One, people were threatened with severe punishment if they lied.

"If a malicious witness takes the stand to accuse a man of a crime, the two men involved in the dispute must stand in the presence of the Lord before the priests and the judges who are in office at the time. The judges must make a thorough investigation, and if the witness proves to be a liar, giving false testimony against his brother, then do to him as he intended to do to his brother. You must purge the evil from among you. Then the rest of the people will hear of this and be afraid, and never again will such an evil thing be done among you. Show no pity: life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot." (Deut. 19:16-21).

If you accused another man of a capital crime, such as rape or murder, you had better be sure your charge was correct! If you lied in court to get another man in trouble, and your lie was uncovered, you would be sentenced to the very punishment the man you accused would have suffered if he was found guilty. In the case of a rape or murder charge, you would be put to death. This might sound severe to our sensibilities, but it was one of the few ways God had of instilling a sense of honor in people. If they acted with dishonor and treachery, they were to be severely punished. If this happened a few times, God hoped the news of it would spread through out Israel and the people would be afraid to lie. God called lying in court and "evil thing" that he did not want to have happen among his people.

But threatening people with punishment is not enough of a deterrent to crime and treachery. People will still lie, but they will just be more careful with it. For example, When Jezebel wanted to steal Naboth’s land from him, she set-up a couple of scoundrels to tell lies against him. Naboth was found guilty in court and was executed. Really, since he was an innocent man, his death was a murder. The lying scoundrels should have been executed, as should Jezebel herself, the first lady of Israel! But, she was one of the highest leaders in the land and she was involved in the crime. She certainly protected the lives of the scoundrels from exposure. She may have even bribed the judge in the case.

The threat for lying and criminal behavior has some teeth to it, but not enough. It doesn’t stop people. It can only work if the leaders of court and government are honest themselves. If they are liars and criminals, then the system breaks down and the lawless prevail. That is why God relied on one other means of people telling the truth: character development.

Truthful Hearts

Proverbs says a "truthful witness gives honest testimony." The key to honest testimony is not threats of punishment, but a truthful witness. A truthful witness is an honest person.

Proverbs 12:20 says, "There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace." Those who lie with their mouths have a spirit of lying within them. They have deceit, mischief and evil in their hearts. That is why they lie. That is why Jezebel and the scoundrels lied about the innocent man, Naboth. They were evil people. They intended to steal another man’s property. In order to do that they had to destroy Naboth’s reputation and have him murdered. Lying was a tool in their arsenal to accomplish their wicked ends. The lies and evil that came from their mouths were but an extension of the lying and evil in their hearts.

This spirit of lying can be implanted in our hearts at a very early age. We once owned a home that had a sliding glass door that opened into the backyard. One day a neighborhood child came to the backyard, slid the door open and walked in. She came to play with my kids. "Close the door, please," I said to her.

"I didn’t open it," she replied.

I had two problems with her answer, both of which I explained to her. "You did open the door. I sat here and watched you. Also, even if you didn’t open the door, you walked through it. So, please close it."

"But I didn’t open the door."

"Yes you did! I saw you! Now close the door, please!"

"But I didn’t open it."

"Just close the door!"

Two things exasperated me about this brief conversation. One, the little girl refused to do what she was asked to do, something as simple as closing the door she walked through. But, my real concern was that at such a young age, about ten years old, she was already wired to lie. When she was asked a question her immediate response was to deceive, even when there was nothing to gain from it. Other experiences with this young girl confirmed that she would regularly lie even when she didn’t have to. There was nothing at stake to make her feel that lying would benefit her in some way. She wasn’t in trouble for opening the door, so why lie about it? Then, why repeat the lie and stubbornly refuse to close the door? Unfortunately, a spirit of deception can dominate our hearts even at a very young age. "A truthful witness does not deceive, but a false witness pours out lies" (Proverbs 14:5). It was chilling how natural it seemed for this young girl to "pour out lies." I don’t know if she had any awareness of the treachery of her heart and speech. This is the spirit of deception that God wants to prevent in the hearts of people. He wants truthful hearts.

A Truthful Witness

A truthful witness is the opposite of a lying witness. Instead of evil and corruption inside, truthful people have honesty, truth and integrity. They tell the truth because a spirit of truth permeates their heart and life. They don’t have to wonder, "Should I tell the truth about this?" because the truth pours out naturally.

The greatest assurance that an ancient witness, or modern one, will tell the truth is that they have an honest character. To this end God tried to teach the Israelites to be people of integrity. In Exodus 23:2-3 he said, "Do not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you give testimony in a lawsuit, do not pervert justice by siding with the crowd, and do not show favoritism to a poor man in his lawsuit." God showed two concerns here about the integrity of testimony in court. One, don’t be swayed by what most people are saying or thinking. Even if what you have to say does not "square" with the crowd’s perception, you speak what you know to be the truth anyway. Secondly, don’t show favoritism. Other verses in scripture warn against siding with the rich against the poor in court (Exodus 23:6). The rich are able to afford bribes to the judges and witnesses, (Exodus 23:8), thus perverting justice. "A bribe blinds those who see and twists the words of the righteous." Judges and witnesses are particularly susceptible to this sin. But God also gives this warning that we shouldn’t allow our sympathies for some one who is poor to cloud our judgment. It is possible that the poor man is the guilty man. Pay attention to truth, not to sympathies or money payments!

God hopes that a spirit of truth will root in his people’s hearts. He has given warnings that liars are to be severely punished. But even then, a crooked judge or leader might be in collusion with a lying witness, thus perverting justice. God’s real concern is that his people will refrain from lying because they have honest hearts and the truth pours naturally from them. A man’s only real hope in court is that the judges and witnesses are people of God.

The Bigger Issue

While these verses in Proverbs and other texts of the Bible are primarily about telling the truth in court, the bigger issue is that God wants us to be people of truth and integrity at all times and in all situations. God is a God of truth, he cannot lie (Hebrews 6:18). As followers of God we are in pursuit of his holiness (1 Peter 1:16). The purity of heart that characterizes God is the goal we aspire to.

God wants us to be people of integrity. "The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity" (Proverbs 11:3) and "Righteousness guards the man of integrity, but wickedness overthrows the sinner" (Proverbs 13:6) both address the heart of the righteous person.

The word "integrity" in these verses means there is a wholeness in a man’s life: his outer profession matches his inner conviction. Stated in another way, the way he speaks and acts is an accurate reflection of the character within him.

When I was in college I worked for a sales company during the summer. In one city where I spent a few weeks I worshiped with the local congregation and got acquainted with some of the members. During my days working in the community I had numerous people ask me about a particular man who was a leader in the church I was visiting. "I know he is an important man at your church, but he is a very cruel and dishonest businessman. His main concern is to make money, not promote Christ."

I realized that what some of these people were saying about this man may have been untrue. But in the many years since then I have known some brothers in Christ who could put on the "religious ritz" on Sunday, but during the week you would never believe they claimed to be Christians. Some were dishonest in business, some were abusive of their wives and children, some were cruel and heartless employers. Then, when it was Sunday, they were back at church again as if everything in their lives were fine!

We are all turned off by this kind of flagrant rejection of God’s call upon us to live good and moral lives. Some are tempted to drop out of church because of people like this. Please don’t. If this kind of behavior bothers you, think how much it grieves God!

God is the one who calls for us to live lives of integrity. He wants "wholeness" in the conviction of our hearts and the performance of our lives. It grieves God more than we can imagine when we allow a spirit of deception, greed, meanness or envy to arrest our hearts and commandeer our lives. God wants his spirit to lead and guide us.

A man who is upright is a man of integrity, and this quality shows itself in two ways in his life. One, he always tells the truth, whether it is in court, in business, with his wife and kids, or in casual conversation with a stranger. He is rarely even tempted to lie, because it is not in his heart to. Everything this man says can be believed, because he consistently, over time, proves his honesty.

Secondly, he is always honest in his personal dealings with other people. "Honest scales and balances are from the Lord; all the weights in the bag are of his making (Proverbs 16:11; cf. Deuteronomy 25:15). One way to cheat people in ancient times was to buy and sell farm produce, such as tomatoes, with different scales. When a farmer brought a bag of tomatoes in to sell to a merchant, a dishonest merchant would use a scale that would cheat the farmer. Ten pounds of vegetables would only register as eight pounds. Then, the merchant would put that scale away and use another one to sell to customers. If a customer wanted to buy ten pounds of tomatoes, the merchant would use a scale that would register eight pounds as ten. The merchant just stole four pounds worth of produce.

A man of integrity will never cheat anyone in business, even if he can get by with it. He won’t cheat because it is not in his heart to do so. In fact, a man of integrity might even give extra product to the customer, just to make sure he isn’t cheating him.

I heard a Christian man say that he will never try to talk a man down on a price he has asked for a product. He said, "That businessman needs to make a living. If he is cheating me, God is a witness to that, so I don’t have to worry about it. But, if he is a Christian, and he is trying to give me the best possible deal, and I try to reduce him even more, I might deprive him of a profit he needs to make to feed his family. I won’t do that. If I want the product I will pay the price that is listed without trying to talk him down."

That is an honest man. He conducts himself with such honor and integrity that he expects everyone else to do the same. And, even if they don’t, he will still conduct himself in that manner.

God wants honesty and integrity in our speech and conduct. The emphasis God puts on honest testimony in court is but one aspect of the honesty God wants to permeate all of our speech and actions. Honest hearts will lead to honest speech and honest business practices.

Jesus Said ...

"Simply let your ‘Yes’ be "Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one" (Matthew 5:37).

Jesus made this comment after telling his followers that they don’t have to resort to oath-taking to confirm the accuracy of their statements. Some Jews would swear by heaven, some by the earth, some by Jerusalem. Some Jews even went so far as to make some oaths non-binding (swearing by the temple) and other oaths binding (swearing by the gold in the temple; Matthew 23:16-22). Presumably this was so that they could deceive newcomers to Jerusalem in business deals and still have a clear conscience! A Christian, a person of integrity, can simply speak the truth because it emanates from a heart of integrity.

Ironically, Jesus, who taught his followers to tell the truth and who demonstrated perfect truth in his very being (John 14:6) was a victim of lies and deception. The chief priests and elders of Israel "plotted to arrest Jesus in some sly way and kill him" (Matthew 26:4). Numerous false witnesses testified against Jesus, but their lies weren’t coordinated (Mark 14:56). Finally, the chief priests were able to use testimony about Jesus destroying the temple and rebuilding it against him, but they had to misinterpret him to do it (Mark 14:57-64). Lying witnesses and judges conspired to ramrod a deceptive process and kill the Son of God. But Jesus never wavered from truth and integrity. He continues to be our example of telling the truth, even if it kills us, literally.

Questions

1) Have you ever been hurt by lies?
2) Have you ever told lies that hurt someone else?
3) How does lying hurt your example for Christ with people who know you are a Christian?
4) How might telling the truth enhance your example for Christ?