Land Mines

LAND MINES

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble. Proverbs 4:18,19

Into the black of night shines the first gleam of dawn, dispelling the darkness and giving sight to our eyes. This experience of first light and the ability to see is a metaphor for the spiritual light that shines into our hearts when we follow the way of godly wisdom and walk in the path of righteousness. The righteous can see the dangers of foolish living because God’s light, mediated through the wise words of the Sage and other godly teachers, enlightens their heart. In the wisdom of Proverbs, such behavior as anger, resentment, adultery, excessive spending, gossip, miserliness, inconsiderate humor, lying, violence, theft, laziness, incessant talking, and unreflective speech are foolish and sinful. The wise pursue the path away from these things, continually seeking the light of God.

The wicked do not live in the light but in the darkness, so they can not see the dangers that follow sinful and foolish living. They stumble along, as in the black of night, losing friendships, getting into trouble, losing their money, constantly arguing and fighting, shattering families, and they "do not know what makes them stumble," even though it is their own behavior. Two common responses of foolish people to the harm that comes into their lives is, "It is someone else’s fault" and "Why am I always so unlucky?"

I’ve learned that even those who pursue the light, and try living wisely, encounter situations that make them stumble and they do not know why. They try to maintain healthy attitudes of love and gratitude and they try to live righteously, but they occasionally find themselves inexplicably acting out of character. They may explode in anger, flirt, accept the amorous overtures of a stranger, act immorally, or tear down another’s reputation. How can ten or fifteen years of righteous living be disrupted by such unusual behavior in a good person’s life?

A preacher meeting with a young ministry couple told them, "If you have any unresolved issues in your lives, address them now, early in your marriage and ministry. If you have any neglect, abuse, deep-seated anger, or aberrant behavior, get it out and address it now. Seek counseling if you need help identifying and addressing some of the problems. A few years from now the pressures of marriage, family and ministry will squeeze you like a sponge, and if you don’t have your inner issues resolved, they will erupt out of your life with ugly and destructive force."

My friend and fellow preacher, Leslie Chapman, says we all have land mines in our lives. A land mine is an explosive device used by the military during a war. It is buried just under the surface of the ground, typically on a path frequented by the opposition. An enemy soldier walking along will unknowingly step on the land mine and trigger the mechanism, causing an explosion that will surely maim, and possibly kill, the soldier who stepped on it and others standing nearby.


Usually after a war land mines are removed. But, they can’t always be accounted for and some remain in place even after hostilities have ceased. Many of the land mines Russia buried in Afghanistan in the 1980s were not removed at the end of the war, and years afterwards civilians were injured and killed when they unsuspectingly stepped on one. The force of the bomb, which should have been exploded during the initial hostilities, remained buried and out of sight, and caused its destruction years later against innocent people.

Land mines in our lives are like that, too. Even after righteous living for many years, an event or conversation can trigger a land mine that has been buried in our lives for years, even decades. The trigger might be a perceived slight, an injustice, financial pressure, changes in the home, business failure, and a host of other things. The trigger takes us back, immediately, to the emotions of the abuse, unresolved hurts, anger or moral failure we experienced years before. In nanoseconds we relieve the original experience and feel the emotions of it. So, when we react to the trigger event, we are not responding to it like we think we are, but the to unresolved event from years before. And, like the land mine, we explode with destructive force against innocent people who had nothing to do with our original problems.



Land mines in our lives can take several forms. For some, significant pressure can lead them to explode in wrath and rage. They may make harsh accusations and even threats. When the rage subsides and emotions settle, they will ask themselves, "What just happened? Why did I do that? I’m not even that upset with the guy, in fact, he is my friend."

For someone else, significant stress and pressure, particularly if it is at home, may lead them to seek relief in the wrong set of arms. But, feeling failure or lack of appreciation at work can be triggers for immoral behavior, too. Someone dwelling excessively on self-pitying emotions and thinking "I deserve to be treated better," is a prime candidate for an affair. There is a man or woman out there who is equally desperate for attention, and will readily grant you the understanding and affection you seek.

Land mine explosions are not limited to angry eruptions or adultery. They can include belittling humor, pornography, stealing, lying, and violence. A land mine explosion is any behavior that is foolish or sinful and is out of character for the person performing it. After their aberrant and unusual acting out they wonder where the bad attitudes and behavior came from. Like the man walking in darkness, they do not know what made them stumble.

You can not undo a land mine, but you can learn from it and even profit from it. Here are some suggestions for dealing with the land mine episodes in your life.

One, own the emotions and behavior. Yes, it may have been out of character, but you said it or did it. You are guilty, so admit it. Denying, minimizing or dismissing the sinfulness and destructiveness of your actions will not erase them, but will simply re-bury the land mine, readying it with another deadly charge. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:8). Openness and honesty are the beginning steps to shine light into the darkness of our hearts and purge the evil.

Two, Take stock of what happened. What was the trigger that made you explode? Why were you so unstable and combustible? Have similar events happened in your past that you never addressed then? Is it possible that these past experiences are lying just under the surface of your heart and are too easily activated? Talking to a friend or even a counselor may help identify patterns in your life and behavior that will reveal unresolved issues.

Three, don’t blame anyone else for your current problems or even past ones. Parents who were neglectful, siblings who were abusive or former employers who were unappreciative may explain some of your unstable tendencies, but simply blaming them will not relieve you of the problems. The problems are yours to deal with.

Four, make amends when possible and appropriate to anyone you have hurt. Apologize, make repayment for anything you have damaged or taken, seek reconciliation. A third party may be necessary to help with this.

Five, work on your character. Continue walking in the path of righteousness. Seek God’s will for all things in your life. Pray for strength in your areas of weakness. Do not leave the land mines in your life unresolved. Left unattended they will eventually explode, and the damage they cause can be irreparable.

Through Christ we have been set free from the law of sin and death (Rom. 8:2). But, even though we have crossed from death to life in Christ, the heart continues to be a battleground where the old man of sin and the new man of righteousness struggle for control. We have to submit to the Spirit of Christ that now reigns in our hearts and is actively working to purge the sinful nature. "Therefore, do not let sin (a land mine?) reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires" (Rom. 8:12).

God is working to purge our lives of darkness and the foolishness, sin and land mines that proliferate in it. Submit your will to his, humbly and honestly admit sin, and seek God’s work in your life for character transformation.

Warren Baldwin

Two Meals

TWO MEALS

Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn out its seven pillars. She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine; she has also set her table. She has sent out her maids, and she calls from the highest point of the city. ‘Let all who are simple come in here!’ she says to those who lack judgment. Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed." Proverbs 9:1-5

Food serves our bodies and our relationships. The nutritional value of the food sustains our bodies and gives them strength. The relationship value of food sustains our bond with family and friends when we dine together. Mealtime provides opportunity for being vulnerable, sharing stories, enjoying fellowship, healing past wounds, and eagerly anticipating future banquets together.

So important is this latter function of sharing a meal together to build and sustain relationships that the Bible draws upon the experience to illustrate higher realities beyond the meal itself. Proverbs 9:1-6 is an example of that.

Two meals are served in Proverbs 9, the first by an industrious host commonly referred to as Woman Wisdom. This woman built a house requiring seven pillars, indicating it is wide and spacious, thus able to accommodate many guests. She set a luxurious table of meat and wine. Meat was a special treat for many ancient people, and the wine was mixed, meaning she probably added special spices to create a unique and satisfying flavor. After the meal was ready Woman Wisdom sent her servants out to the highest point of the city to cry out, "Let all who are simple come in here ... Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have mixed." Those who attend this banquet will find nourishment for their bodies, but they will find even more. The fellowship value of this meal means that those who dine here will be able to "walk in the way of understanding."

Meanwhile, another woman in Proverbs 9 is inviting guests in to her meal as well. This hostess is known as Woman Folly. Unlike Woman Wisdom, this second lady in not industrious with her house or her meal. In fact, she is loud, undisciplined and foolish. Instead of working hard she sits in the doorway of her house and calls out to those passing by, "Let all who are simple come in here!" She invites the same people Woman Wisdom does! In fact, they both proffer their invitations at the highest point of the city, a place of great significance, and they invite the same people, those who are simple and gullible. But whereas the first lady served fine meat and wine, the second serves stolen water and food. "Stolen water is sweet," she says, "food eaten in secret is delicious." The enticing element of this second meal is not the nutritional value of the food, but the excitement of the erotic and forbidden nature of the meal. It is secretive, and those who dine here do not nourish their bodies, but revel in pleasures that are improper. In fact, any pleasures experienced by those who fill themselves on this meal will be short lived. "Little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of the grave." (Prov. 9:13-18).
Obviously, something is taking place here that is larger than the meal itself. The Sage is using food and meal as a metaphor for paths of life. Woman Wisdom, the grand and industrious lady who serves a fine meal and whose diners become wise, is issuing her call from God. She is inviting the simple to come follow the ways of divine wisdom and godly ethic. She calls the gullible to leave the world and enter relationship with God.

Woman Folly, on the other hand, represents any competing thought, personality or system to the great God of heaven. Like Woman Wisdom, Woman Folly is positioned at the highest point of the city, the place where temples were built in ancient society. Whereas Woman Wisdom represents God, Woman Folly would represent the false idols and religions that plagued Israel. Today, she would represent anything that calls us away from godly living with its promise of sweet, forbidden drink and pleasure.

God has served a meal, rich, succulent, hearty and nutritious. It feeds more than our bodies; it feeds our lives, character and souls. In the immediate context, the meal is the wisdom of Proverbs. In the larger context, the meal is the whole Bible, from which we learn of the invitation to salvation in Jesus and a relationship with God.

The father calls us. "Come, eat my food and drink the wine I have fixed. Leave your simple ways and you will live; walk in the way of understanding (Prov. 9:5-6). Dinner is served. Will you come?

Warren Baldwin

Note: Please read Laries review of Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks and Other Gems from Proverbs on her blog, My Heart Speaks.

REBUKE

REBUKE

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Proverbs 27:5

Receiving rebuke makes me feel devalued. Giving rebuke fills me with fear and trepidation. Misunderstandings about rebuke generate negative thoughts about it. Rebuke is often thought of as criticizing someone, pointing out faults, and positioning them in to a corner. I’ve been on the receiving end of such an approach. That understanding of rebuke is false.

True rebuke is better than "hidden love." Hidden love is overlooking faults, destructive behavior, and spiritual danger someone might be in. Hidden love is fear. Hidden love is turning a blind eye to bad behavior and offensive speech. Hidden love is not love. It is fear and cowardice.

Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III say, "Rebuke is bringing truth to bear in a person’s life in the hope he will repent so the relationship can be restored" (Bold Love [Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1992], p. 181). Genuine rebuke is not cold criticism, faultfinding, or positioning someone in a corner. That perception of rebuke actually works against what true rebuke is supposed to accomplish.

If true rebuke is better than "hidden love," then rebuke is "open and honest" love. True rebuke is loving a person enough that you will confront them with danger and unchristian behavior in their lives. If you enter into someone’s life to rebuke them, it means you care enough about them to risk losing them. Even if you rebuke someone in kindness, love, patience, and gentleness, you risk being rejected and hurt by them.

Rebuke is bringing truth to bear in a person’s life because things in their life are not right. They need to repent. They need restoration with themselves, with others, and with God. Rebuke intends to save a person’s life and soul.

Rebuke can be very direct and forceful as when Peter told Simon to, "Repent of [your] wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. For I can see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin" (Acts 8:22–23). Peter’s approach is certainly open and honest! Simon was in great danger! He tried to buy the power of the Holy Spirit with money. Peter knew that degrading any part of the Godhead by reducing him to a material value was blasphemous and dangerous to one’s soul. Hidden love would have kept quiet and allowed Simon to go on thinking he was fine, even when his soul was destined for death. Open and honest love demanded Peter to speak the truth for Simon’s own good.

Rebuke can be indirect and subtle. A king took another man’s wife and had her husband killed. The preacher wanted to rebuke the king but had to be careful for his own life! So he told the story of a rich man who stole a poor man’s lamb and served it up as dinner. The king was furious and said the rich man ought to be killed! The preacher said, "Thou art the man." Nathan, the preacher, brought truth to bear to the king, David. Though indirect and subtle, this approach enabled the king to see his misdeeds.

In both stories, the men rebuked saw their error and the tragic state of their hearts and repented. Both men were restored to God and experienced restoration in other relationships. Is there someone in your life you see involved in destructive behavior: drinking too much, stifling the joy of others with a critical spirit, lying, and ignoring their own bad behavior? You are hurt by them. You are concerned for their soul. For too long you have kept silent. You have practiced "hidden love." But hidden love really isn’t love; it is fear. Better is open rebuke that is practiced with love and kindness. Real love risks the loss of another to bring truth to bear in their lives but carries with it the hope of repentance and restoration. True rebuke is possible because we trust in God’s grace to grant forgiveness and restore relationships.

Warren Baldwin

(From Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks and Other Gems From Proverbs, hopefully to be released later this month!)

Tale of Two Funerals

TALE OF TWO FUNERALS

"A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold." Proverbs. 22:1.

Some people say, "I don’t care what people think about me." Well, maybe or maybe not. Some people say that in defense of their own poor behavior. They really do care. Either way, I think we should. The Bible says we should. There is something to a name, which the follow story illustrates.

He was somewhere in his late fifties to mid-sixties, I can’t remember. He lived at home with his 80+ year old mother. I should say he "mooched" off his mother. He was unemployed, lazy and a ne’er-do-well. He sat at home and drank, that was pretty much his life. And his mother enabled this man’s dysfunctional behavior. She permitted his behavior, coddled him, and even supported his behavior.

I did this man’s funeral. No more than fifteen people were present. It wasn’t because the weather was bad. Nor was it because no one knew him. The man spent his whole life in this little community. The reason so few people showed up at this man’s funeral is that people did know him, but didn’t regard his life as one worth honoring.

Why do we have funeral services? Having done dozens of them, I think I can say that there are two reasons. One, we want to support the family members and close friends of the deceased. They are grieving and we want them to know we care. Maybe our expressions of concern will touch their heart and strengthen their resolve to go on. The second reason we have funerals is to honor the deceased. Our presence at the funeral indicates that we feel the life of the deceased is worth remembering. We listen to the stories of the life this person lived. We laugh and cry at the pictures in the power point presentation. We nod our heads when the preacher says, "This man or woman lived a life worth remembering. We honor the one who has gone on.

I think one big reason people did not attend the man’s funeral I just told you about is because not many people felt his life was worth honoring. It was very sad.

Contrast his life and funeral with that of a fifteen-year old’s funeral I performed some years later. This lad lived a very short life. But it was a good life. Not that everything in this boy’s life was good. His dad left the family to pursue his number-one love: alcohol. His mom had to carry on with two pre-teen boys and a very limited income. It was tough situation. The boy was hurt and needed his dad. Men from our church stepped in and tried to help encourage the boy, take him on outings, mentor him.

Everyone who spent time with this kid loved him. He was very personable and friendly. He asked questions. He was forward enough that he would ask to come back to your house! And no one would tell him, "No!" Everyone was glad to have him back. He was great kid.

When a tragic accident claimed his life at age 15, the whole community mourned. Five hundred people showed up for the funeral. Five hundred people crammed into a room without air conditioning in the summertime to show love and support for the mom and little brother, and to honor the life of this young boy. His life was very short, but it was well lived, even under trying conditions.

After I performed the first funeral, I went home empty and sad. I told my wife that I did not want my life to end like this man’s - unacknowledged.

After I performed the boy’s funeral, I went home, sat in a chair on my front porch, and cried harder than I ever have in my adult life. The loss of this boy not only hurt the community, it broke my heart. And I thought, I want to have my life count like the life of this kid. I hope I can touch as many people in a meaningful way.

In my heart, I still grieve for what must have been the emptiness of the man. I also still grieve for my young friend who would be 24 years old today. But I also feel joy at the quality of his life, and look forward to seeing him again. Once and awhile I say, "I’ll see you on the other side, Cole."

(Note: the idea for this article came after reading An Obituary that really made me think... Please link over there for a good read.)

Warren Baldwin

Gossip

GOSSIP

"A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much." Proverbs 20:19.

Preachers get teased about talking too much. We do talk a lot. Some of it is expected, like sermons and Bible classes. It would be unusual for a preacher to stand up on Sunday morning and say, "I’m sorry, but I have nothing to say this morning." It might be unusual, but it might also be appreciated!

But the idea in this proverb is not about talking too much; it is about talking irresponsibly. There is a difference between someone who talks incessantly, even though that can be terribly annoying and unnerving, and someone who talks irresponsibly. The idea of talking irresponsibly is connected to the first part of the phrase about a gossip betraying a confidence. Someone who talks too much can betray a confidence, but it is not the AMOUNT of the talking taking place that is the problem in this verse. It is the intent and the irresponsibility of the talker that is in focus here: Gossip.

Gossip is a killer. Several verses in Proverbs address the problem of gossiping:
Proverbs 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence ..."
Proverbs 16:28 - "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates friends."
Proverbs 26:20 - "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."

There is not much good that can be said about gossip. Gossip is more than annoying and unnerving: it is destructive. In Romans 1 Paul lists gossip along with sexual sins and murder as evidence of God’s wrath being revealed against us. In 2 Corinthians 12:20 Paul lists gossip as one of the sins that he fears will disrupt the church.

God’s teachers (Solomon and Paul) were both concerned about building healthy communities. They wanted families and churches to live together in openness, honesty and love. They wanted people to live together in mutual respect and concern for the other.

Gossip undermines all of these healthy, constructive attitudes. Gossip is the opposite of openness and honesty. Gossip is conducted in quiet and in secret, hidden from the view of others. It’s message is whispered and cherished as "choice morsels" (Proverbs 18:8).

Gossip is the opposite of love and respect: you can not love and respect the person you are vilifying with malicious secrets. Nor do you really love the person you are passing on the delectable morsels to, since you are drawing them into your sin with you. Friends don’t do that to friends. "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks irresponsibly."

Both Solomon and Paul prefer words that are constructive: words that encourage, promote healthy community relations, and build character in others. For example, in Proverbs 10:21 Solomon writes, "The lips of the righteous nourish many ..." The word for "nourish" in Hebrew is "to shepherd." So, the words of the righteous man "provides the nutrition necessary for the development of godly character." (Dave Bland, Proverbs, 116). "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).

A gossip talks irresponsibly and destructively. He shatters community, whether in a family, church, or other social setting. But a wise man talks encouragingly and constructively. He talks responsibly. A wise man nourishes the hearts and minds of others. He builds community in human relations. He benefits those who listen by providing nourishment for the development of their godly character. The gossip or the wise man ... which one do you think is blessed by God?

Warren Baldwin

(From the forthcoming book, "Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks, and other Gems from Proverbs)